FINALS!!!

So, this NBA Finals is causing a bit of internal strife. In my head, I mean. I hate Kobe (excuse me, the MAMBA), but this three-point fest the Magic have been riding has to stop. Right? I enlisted one of my Laker fan friends Rake Colson to discuss the matter:

DP: So I started this job Monday, and have been training so far. But, while I have been filing my head with the ins and outs of the mortgage industry, I can’t help but wonder what life is like for you? I mean, you admit your superstar is a sociopath, your coach was almost matched by George Karl, your 2^nd banana is a European who slanted his eyes in the Spain Basketball team picture, and your third banana is a candy nut straight out of Willy Wonka.

Not to mention, that aside from your MVPuppet, your entire backcourt is a section 8, to the point that Shannon Brown has become a vital cog to your team.

RC: Do I know Kobe's a sociopath, a spoiled brat, an egomaniac? Yes, of course - I have second hand evidence. Friend of my dad's works for AEG, which owns Staples, and Mamba is universally reviled, from the janitors to Phil Anschuetz (the CEO). If he weren't everyone's meal ticket, he would probably have been the victim of a car bomb by now. Also of note: with the exception of Malone and Payton (who had to be convinced by Shaq), no premier free agent has ever taken less money to play with Kobe. With the exception of Malone and Carmelo, no NBA player has ever admitted to being friends with Kobe, and he even lost Karl with the whole "little white girls" thing. From all reports, he doesn't have an entourage, doesn't have friends, and is single-mindedly focused on basketball and cementing his legacy as a top 5 all-time guard. Is that a good thing for the Lakers and their fans? Yeah, probably. But with a title loss, this house of cards can come crumbling down real quick. It won't be like the painful summer of 2004, but it won't be far from it.

Phil was not "almost matched" by George Karl. The only person George Karl almost matched was Chris Dougherty in the "red faced" department. That series was never about anyone outcoaching anyone else, and if anything, Karl gave away two games with his inbound play brilliance. Phil has been slipping for some time, yes, but he was never a great game coach - his greatest skill is getting everyone on the same page. With the Bulls, that meant keeping MJ from murdering everyone else; with the 2000-2004 Lakers, it meant keeping Shaq and Kobe from murdering one another; with the 2006-2009 Lakers, it means keeping everyone from murdering Kobe AND keeping Kobe from murdering Bynum.

RE: Spanish national team picture -- what's the issue? You have to love Pau - he looks completely unathletic, he runs like a less-gay Bruno, and he just so happens to be one of the most versatile big men in the league. Oh, and he and Ariza are the Lakers MVPs -- in that, if they're on, we win. When they're not, we don't. It's as simple as that.

Lamar, for some reason, doesn't drive me nuts. In fact, I love his consistent inconsistency. I just hope it doesn't show up over the next few weeks.

Shannon Brown can play! I don't know where that came from, but he's a great fit for this team. And considering we have to contend with Skip-to-my-Lou and 45% of a getting-up-to-speed Jameer Nelson, I'm not too worried about the PG matchup.

I think you know what matchup I am worried about, though. The big question to me is: will DJ Mbenga see time in this series? If he does, game over.

There's a scenario in the back of my head where Dwight goes insane and throws up a 34-16 for the series, SVG comes up with some amazing defensive scheme and shuts us down, they hit every 3 like they've been doing, and we get embarrassed along the lines of 2004. That scenario is analogous to my bonus, in that we'll find out about it in the next few weeks, and that I try not to think about it too much because it's so painful and soul-crushing and denies everything I/the Lakers have worked so hard for.

So yes, I'm keeping my expectations low.

DP: Wait, wait, wait. I watched LeBron and the MAMBA grinning it up on national television during that sit-down interview. I SAW IT! They were palling around like the Schnieder and Columba of their time. You trying to tell me that while LBJ was making fun of Kobe with the ‘high-shorts’ joke, and basically mocking him openly, the MAMABA was only smiling for the cameras? He was actually sizing up The King, deciding the best way to incapacitate him with his butter knife? What?

Good thing he’s focused on cementing his legacy as a top five guard…since he isn’t there yet, and won’t get there based on his only two Finals appearances we have where he was the best player (04, Detroit, 08, Boston). Right now, he’s a top-five second banana in NBA history, since there are 5 better guards off the top of my head…Jordan, Magic, Oscar, Logo, Isaiah. And they all won rings as the man…which he HAS to do, unless he wants to go down in the ‘Pippen, Drexler, D. Robinson, and other players who only won titles as the OTHER GUY on their team’ group.

If y’all lose…I don’t even know. Sure, the answer SEEMS to be move everyone (MAMBA included), but, as has been pointed out over and over and over again, this is a nearly broke league; who takes on the MAMBA’s deal? And for what? You’ve got him for at least another 82. Get comfortable. Because I don’t know if the Magic can’t win this thing.

SVG (he looks like he needs initials) hasn’t REALLY been tested coaching wise so far (ol’ what’s-his-face in Philly, Doc, and M.Brown), but he has shown a great ability to adjust on the fly within the series. Phil may be a peacemaker, but against SVG (does this make him cooler?) the Lake-Show need him to be a basketball coach. He’s aged more poorly than Coolio’s entire catalog. He’s aged more poorly than Ted Pitt. And his BASKETBALL COACHING, you know, what he’s paid to do, has been slow to adjust to things like No-more-Yao. You know, like Lamar adjusts constantly to sometimes playing/sometimes not during series. And don’t get me started on Wonka’s Swayze in the Finals last year.

Pau is a racist. There. I said it.

Not worried about the backcourt matchup? NOT WORRIED? You sound like the Indians being ‘not worried’ about the disease laden blankets the palefaces brought with them. Do you remember Aaron Brooks (AARON BROOKS?!?!) eviscerating your backcourt a week ago? Have you not seen what penetrating point guards do to the carbon cut-outs you stick back there? It would be funny if it wasn’t so damn sad. Chauncy Billups is a cerebral game manager, and y’all decimated him; no one will ever confuse Skip and Anthony Johnson for the Artist Formally Known As Mr. Big Shot.

Shannon Brown. Good one.

DJ Mbenga. Better one. Though, Chris Mihm got some burn last year, so maybe Phil is aging worse than Larry Legend.

The more I think about how weird these playoffs have been (the Magic are shooting like 47% from three!), the more and more your nightmare seems likely. Is it impossible for the Magic to split the first two in LA? Is it impossible for them to take 2 of 3 in O-Town, culminating with a rout in the last game in Orlando, the MAMBA sharpening his knives as he quits on the floor (see also, last year and 2007 against the Suns)? Can you really count on this crew to close out the final two games in Staples. Me neither.

Dear god, am I about to take the Magic in 6? YES WE CAN. SI SE PUEDE!

***

We'll see what takes place in this little argument today. This could just be part 1.

MVP

All I wanted was to get out of the first round. And it looks like that's all I'm going to get.



OLASB 2nd Round Predictions

Lakers over Rockets in 6

Cavs over Hawks in 5

Magic over Celtics in 5

Denver over Dallas in 7

The Playoffs

Or whatever.

Look, there were initially only three series I was intrigued by: Trailblazers/Rockets, Spurs/Mavs, and Hawks/Heat. One of those three is too close to home (literally and figuratively) for me to be logical about (the refs stole Game 2! I'm getting Heat/Mavs flashbacks!!!) , and the other two weren't enough to garner me writing about the whole playoffs. But, since we're here now, I'll update my thoughts, with predictions.

Lakers over Utah in 5 - It's tough to win in a building that houses the most offensive fans in sport, so I'll say the Lakers split in Salt Lake, and close out in Staples.

Cavs over Detroit in 4 - Get your brooms out...with potential challengers falling by the wayside, Bron-Bron and company will send an early message.

Nuggets over NO in 5 - Apparently, Chauncy Billups used a time machine, and got himself from 2004.

Chicago over Boston in 6 - No way the kids win a Game 7 in Boston...look for Kevin Garnett to actually explode during game five on the bench.

San Antonio over Dallas in 7 - Instant classic series. I don't feel remotely good about taking the Spurs here, but who guards Tony Parker? Jason Kidd couldn't stop Tony Schalub.

Orlando over Philly in 6 - Nice show in Game 1 Sixers, let's see you keep it up with that HUGE liability (financially, and in a basketball sense) at center

Portland over Houston in 6 - No Deke? NO WIN!!!

Atlanta over Miami in 6 - My twitter is being used to vent my frustrations. Last night:

Big Poppa Stern, I stand in obvious awe of your greatness, and I know you want Wade/LeBron in round 2, but c'mon man...

You can follow the rest of my thoughts doled out in 140 character increments by following me.. (http://twitter.com/dpalm66)

I just plugged my twitter. I'll now light myself on fire.

But before that, I figured out how to blog on this thing from my phone. So look for the Draft Preview tomorrow, and my annual running draft Saturday. (Last year) (Year before that)

Get as excited as me. Now.

Super Bowl Blog

Better late than never?

Short and sweet, I think the experience edge of the Steelers takes them to victory...plus, you should never take the underdog unless you're SURE they can win outright.

The Pick: Steelers (-7) over Cards

BLACK HEAD COACHES SON!!!

But, the bet of the day is a bit more complicated than that; since 7point favorites are 2-5-1 in Super Bowls, I'd be alot more comfortable if this line was smaller, wouldn't you? So, the best bet is to tease the line down to -1, the over to 53.5, and take the Steelers and the under. You're welcome.

Best Bet: Tease Steelers (-1), and the under (53.5)

If you're in Atlanta, call my cell and meet up for the best Super Bowl party in the city. If you don't have my number...then I must not want you to call that bad.

Playoff Picks

Real Life has gotten in the way of in-depth analysis...as always, home team is in bold.

Baltimore (+3) over Tennessee

Carolina (-10) over Arizona

Philly (+4) over Giants

San Diego (+6) over Pittsburgh

I think B'More wins outright, and Philly and San Diego cover. Take it to the bank.

Week 16 Pickage

Another week of games, another chance for me to be COMPLETELY WRONG. Home teams, as always, in bold.

Indy (-6) over Jacksonville

Yeah. Well. I know Indy barely beat Detroit, and the Jags looked decent last week, and Marvin Harrison isn't playing...I dunno. I just think Manning is going to continue to find a way to win. Now I feel dirty.

Baltimore (+4) over Dallas

This is more my heart than my brain, since the Falcons need Dallas to lose. But I will say this; I think this Baltimore offensive line is playing WAY better than the Giants one Ware and company victimized last week on Sunday night.

Cleveland (-2.5) over Cincy

Fitzpatrick! Dorsey! I thought the Seattle/St. Louis game was the worst match up of the year. I was mistaken.

Detroit (-7) over New Orleans

Don't get me wrong, Detroit loses this game. They won't win at all this year...but they have been feisty, and who on the Saints covers Calvin "Megatron" Johnson? Exactly.

Pittsburgh (+2) over Tennessee

Tennessee is beat up, they look to be taking their foot off the throttle, and the Steelers only have one speed. Knocking people over/out.

Miami (-4) over Kansas City

This line could not be high enough.

San Francisco (-5.5) over St. Louis

One of these interim coaches needs to be held on to after the season. It is not Scott Linnehan.

New England (-7.5) over Arizona

The 'nothing to play for' Cardinals coming east to play in what looks to be sloppy conditions in Foxboro. Hm.

San Diego (+3.5) over Tampa Bay

So, apparently the Chargers are REALLY going to try to force this showdown next week to see which 8-8 team will be representing the AFC West. Ugh.

Seattle (+5) over Jets

Wait, wait, wait. The Jets haven't come close to looking like a decent team on the West Coast all year, and they're GIVING 5 points to a kinda feisty Seahawks team, on the day of Mike Holmgren's last home game?

Houston (-7) over Oakland

Natural tease...that's all I'm sayin...

Buffalo (+6.5) over Denver

And the only thing standing in the way of my AFC West perfect storm is the Buffalo Bills? I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Philly (-5) over Washington

If Jim Zorn can stop looking over his shoulder for a knife wielding Dan Snyder, they might have a chance.

Atlanta (+3) over Minnesota

Memories of 1998. 10 years!

Carolina (-3) over Giants

How am I taking this many road teams? File that under obvious foreshadowing.

Chicago (-4) over Green Bay

One of these teams has something to play for. The other wishes they hadn't let Bret Favre go.

Gears. Ground.

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that Tim Teebow is going to win Heisman number two this weekend, when we all know he's a fullback playing under center. While I disagree with Harrell not being invited (not as much as his coach, apparently), I understand that they invite however the voting shakes out. Which means the Midwest vote probably split between McCoy and Bradford, which means I'll be pissed Saturday.

The fact that I am eliminated (essentially) from my big fantasy football league.

The fact that Terry Porter as good as fired himself this week, by admitting that defense first isn't going to work, bringing in Jason Richardson, and working to alienate Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire by a. trading Nash's best friends on the team and b. taking shots away for Amare. Good times!

The fact that Alabama lost by 11 somehow. It's a 10 point spread in a championship game!

The fact that I was right about the ceiling for the Hawks.

The fact that I was wrong about Matt Ryan...oh no, wait. That pretty much kicks ass.

The fact that a Division I A football team is running the triple option in 2008...and it's working!

The fact that the Celtics are 21-2, and everyone is claiming that they may be the best team ever. Look, I get that they are hot early, but I'll be damned if it's okay to forget about the great seasons that Cleveland and Los Angeles are having so far. Not to mention that San Antonio is getting healthy, and the rest of the middle class in the Association looks feisty.

The fact that I can't seem to pick an NFL game to save my life at this point.

The fact that Tony and Jason keep drawing up plays in the playground, and not including me in any of them. (Courtesy of Terrell Owens)

The fact that the current rules DEMAND that an AFC West team has to make the playoffs...if things break the right way, we could see a 8-7 Broncos team and a 7-8 Chargers team playing in week 17 for the AFC West title.

The fact that the Williams Wall won't be suspended when they face the Falcons in two weeks.

The fact that the Players Union probably forced CC Sabathia into taking the Yankees offer over the Brewers. It's one thing to leave a few million dollars on the table, but there's no way they would let him leave 60 million dollars.

The fact that Juwan Howard is still playing in the NBA.

The fact that I can't watch college basketball until February, but even I know that the two best players (Curry and Hansbrough) are both not locks to be solid NBA players.

The fact that Dwight Howard is younger than me.

The fact that Jerry Jones STILL doesn't know when to shut the hell up.

The fact that we've seen the last of the Mad Dog. You earned your retirement, Greg Maddox. Thanks for the memories.

The fact that I haven't updated this thing in a hot minute.

These picks. Home team in bold.

Chicago (-3) over New Orleans
Green Bay (-1.5) over Jacksonville
Indy (-17.5) over Detroit
Washington (-7) over Cincy
Atlanta (-2.5) over Tampa
Miami (-6.5) over San Fran
Jets (-8.5) over Buffalo/Toronto
Tennessee (-3) over Houston
Pittsburgh (+2 5) over B'More
Carolina (-7.5) over Denver
St. Louis (+2.5) over Seattle
Arizona (-3) over Minnesota
New England (-7) over Oakland
San Diego (-5.5) over Kansas City
Giants (+2.5) over Dallas
Philly (-14) over Cleveland

Thursday Night Pickage

Cincy (+10.5) over Pittsburgh

Yeah, I said it.

Sunday Picks

We're finally done with bye weeks! Home teams in bold.

Denver (+6) over Atlanta
Miami (-10.5) over Oakland
Giants (-7) over B'More
Indy (-8.5) over Houston
Chi-Town (+3.5) over Green Bay
Tennessee (-2.5) over Jax
Philly (-9) over Cincy
K.C. (+5.5) over N.O.
Detroit (+14.5) over Carolina
Pittsburgh (-5) over Chargers
San Fran (-6) over St. Louis
Zona (-3) over Seattle
Bucs (-4) over Minnesota
Dallas (-1) over Washington
Bills (-5) over Browns

Mid-Range Jumpers

That's right kids, we're back. America's favorite long-running, rarely updated, OLASB post format is back, and with a vengeance.


Is this Atlanta professional sports renaissance for real? Why won't the Colts go away? Did the NHL season really start? How much did Al Davis offer me to coach the Raiders? How bad do the Braves want Jake Peavy? When will the first Mike Singletary Coors Light commercial air? What did I go as this year for Halloween?

All this and more in the latest edition of the truly lost art of the Mid-Range Jumper!

• Ok. The A.I. trade. I think it makes sense for both teams, as the Pistons get one of the 50 greatest of all time for a year, and gives them cap room come 2009-2010. Plus, they have someone who can create their own shot, which could open things up for a more drive and kick game, saving Rip and Rasheed's legs through the season, since they won't be running around as much. Denver gets a proven facilitator who won't attack Melo's confidence by being the clearly more clutch player...and Melo can grow back his cornrows without feeling like he's copying his smaller, older, better brother.
• That much basketball analysis wore me out.
• Baseball is still boring as sin. There, that's better.
• BCS Title game looks like Big 12 Champ versus SEC Champ...at least both these leagues have title games. Unlike the Big 10.
• Speaking of leagues full of fake football, if Oregon State wins out, they go to the Rose Bowl, while USC goes to some lesser bowl. Let's go Beavers!
• David Ortiz admitted on the radio that even he knew that Manny had to go, that he was actively trying to get out of Boston. In other news, Mr. Ortiz also spoke out about the sky being blue, and water being wet.
• Somewhere, Scott Boras is reading about the $45 million the Dodgers are offering, and cackling evilly into the night.
• I have loved watching the Hawks thus far, and might have to get sucked into what looks like something special. Still, I feel like I'm going back to an obviously abusive relationship.
  
• The Chicago game was something special. Not just because Horford went for 27-17-6, but because it confirmed that Vinny Del Negro is an NBA head coach. VINNY DEL FREAKING NEGRO!!! (I took way too much time trying to figure out where to put the freaking. I think I made the right decision)
• Millicent Olawale...Millicent Olawale....Millicent Olawale...Millicent Olawale...
• The Bears are counting on Kyle Orton to bounce back from injury for the rest of their season. I'll let THAT sink in.
• Hockey is happening. I think. It has to, it's this time of year, right?
• Dwight Howard had his first career triple-double last night...30 points, 19 rebounds, 10 BLOCKS. Wow.
• CP3 opened the season with 6 straight 20-10 games...are we in a new golden age of basketball? Signs are pointing to yes.
• The Braves claimed they weren't going to morgatge their future to get Peavy, but now that it looks like they might get him, EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!
• Should I start Tyler Thigpin or Big Ben this week in my fantasy league? Why is this even a debate? What a weird year.
• Greg Oden has already missed 2 weeks of games. Chances he finishes the rest of the season healthy? Slim and none.
  
• Tony Romo is coming back to save the Cowboys season. Once he makes his guaranteed blunder of the week, and sinks the team, who will save them next?

Finally, I was wrong about Matt Ryan. I admit it. He is putting together one of the greatest seasons we've ever seen from a rookie quarterback. 11 tds versus only 5 ints? Who saw this coming? Really?

Political junkies like me will love this...a great article contributed to by Columbia Grad Nick Summers.

Oh, and to answer the questions that came before the bullets: yes (I hope), alligator blood, I think, more than Lane Kiffen is making on his paper route, not bad enough, the Super Bowl, and Santa Claus.

Thursday Night Pick: Jets (+3.5) over Pats

Week 10 Picks

This post is short, sweet, and to the point. Unlike the Georgia game yesterday, that tried to give me approxmiently 5 different heart attacks. Home teams, as always, in bold.

J'ville (-7) over Detroit
Tennessee(-3) over The Chi
Buffalo (+4) over Pats
N.O. (+1) over Falcons
Jets (-8.5) over St. Louis
Miami (-8.5) over Seattle
Green Bay (+2.5) over Minnesota
Carolina (-9.5) over Oakland
K.C. (+15.5) over San Diego
Pittsburgh (+3.5) over Indy
Giants (+3) over Philly
B'More (PK) over Houston
Zona (-9.5) over Niners

Keep your eye on the blog next week, as I FINALLY give my thoughts on the AI trade...

Knee Jerk Reactions + Week 9 Picks

Did you catch Oden last night? - Stretch

I would hope that by now, my friends would realize that if there is an NBA Basketball game on the television, I will be in front of it. Unless there's something else on. Anyway, here are a few of my knee jerk reactions to week 1 of NBA action.

- Maybe the Hawks aren't terrible. Maybe that bench can hold up for 82 games. Maybe we didn't win because it was a Magic team with no one to back up Jameer Nelson. Maybe Duncan is right. NAHHHHHHHHHHH.

- "You gotta be careful overreacting to one game" - Rick Carlisle, new coach of the Dallas Mavericks. Um, if your team goes 6-24 in the fourth quarter, when their problem since they MADE the finals has been closing out games/season, you may want to react.

- The Celtics are as good as advertised.

- Greg Oden (and by extension, the Trailblazers) are in trouble.

- The Rockets looked really good. REALLY GOOD, even with McGrady injured and watching alot of the game. They hung with a high scoring Mavs team, with Yao dropping 30, and Mr. Ron Artest dropping 29. He stays happy, they stay winning.

- The Lakers reupped with Bynum. They're convinced he's 100%. Looking at another young center with knee problems who they played opening night, I'm not convinced this was the best idea.

Finally, the List. The List is the teams that, when they come to town, I will do anything to acquire tickets to see these teams in person. ANYTHING.

1. Cavaliers - Duh. Look, if this is LeBron's big coming out year, I demand to see a game in person.

2. Hornets - Oh, what could have been...I read somewhere that the Human Ally-Oop Machine that is Chris Paul should have to play one exhibition game a year with Josh Smith and Joe Johnson, just so Atlanta fans have something more to cry about. I hate this.

3. Nuggets - Until they trade AI, my all-time favorite player.

4. New AI Team - Barring it is not Minnesota or Indiana, we're all good.

5. Memphis - They're young and look entertaining on paper.

6. Lakers - I want to see the Kobe show live. I admit it.

7. Celtics - Their first trip to Phillips this year is Wednesday, December 17. I already have a ticket. You should get one too, and see if Zaza bucks on KG again.

Those are my 7, with Miami as an alternate if AI doesn't get traded (he will). Without further ado, the hopefully triumphant return of the picks...home team, as always in bold.

Toronto/Buffalo (-5.5) over Jets

The Bills were exposed last week, look for them to bounce back at home.

Chicago (-12) over Detroit

I don't like this line, it feels way too high, but the Lions have been awful. And does ANYONE know how to spell that quarterback's name?

Cincy (+7.5) over Jacksonville

Have the Jags beat anyone this year by more than 7?

Cleveland (-1.5) over Baltimore

Joe Flacco on the road? Yes please.

Tennessee (-4.5) over Green Bay

The Titans have to lose eventually. Just not this week.

Tampa Bay (-9) over Kansas City

The Bucs should be ashamed at the meltdown against Dallas last week, and should get right against an awful Kansas City team. Sidenote: at this point, what do Marvin Lewis and Herm Edwards have to do to get fired? Admit to betting against their teams? Moon the owners box? I mean, I never wanna see a man lose his job, but when you are begging for it like these two...

Arizona (-3) over St. Louis

I dunno. I really don't. Why does someone have to win the NFC West? Weren't we all agreeing that the Rams were the worst team in football a few weeks back? Could one of these teams really win the West? Ugh.

Houston (+4.5) over Minnesota

Three straight road picks, and these games aren't even moderately interesting. One more week of byes, and then we're back to a full slate. Looking back on this, the only game I want to see so far is the Titans/Packers.

Miami (+3) over Denver

The bye week isn't going to help their defensive woes, as they lost their best corner Champ Bailey for some time in the Patriots game. Woah. Was that actual football talk and not just stupid jokes? Better keep moving.

Atlanta (-3) over Oakland

ALL THESE GAMES ARE AWFUL!!! And I just know I'm going to be sitting down, watching this nonsense.

Giants (-9) over Dallas

Brad Johnson. Giants pass rush. Brad Johnson. Giants pass rush. Brooks Bollinger!

Philly (-7) over Seattle

Dare I tease Giants/Eagles? I know that both teams are going to win, but my teases have been so bad I'm so gun shy...ah screw it. The OLASB, TEASE OF THE WEEK: Giants/Eagles. You're welcome, and I will accept 10% of your winnings.

Indy (-6) over New England

It's get right time in Indianapolis. They lose this one, kiss the playoffs goodbye, and get planning for next year.

Washington (-1.5) over Pittsburgh

I'm pretty torn here, since the Zorn era has gone fairly smoothly thus far, Campbell has looked good, and so has Portis. The Steelers have no running attack, and I like the Skins' passing defense. But the Steelers have been winning games weird all year...avoid at all costs. At least I will be.

NBA Season Preview

My NFL picks have been awful, and subsequently pulled down. Sorry. I don't want to think about how bad it's been for me. Though, someone has been enjoying my recent bout of bad luck; let's just say their name starts with a 'B' and ends in an 'ookie'. Ugh. Anyway, my favorite time of the year is here, and no, it's not the inevitable Bud Selig meltdown that reminds us that mental patients shouldn't run professional sports - it's basketball season!

Looking back at my predictions from last year, I didn't do TOO badly, so hopefully this short team by team breakdown holds up a little too.

Atlantic Division

Boston - The champs are back. They reloaded, kept KG and Pierce happy, and Ray Allen is too OCD not to be ready. They lose the pre-game Posey hugs, and held on to Cassell, but I still look for good things as they hang #17 tonight.

Philly - Ignore the fact that Elton Brand has looked slow in the preseason, that they can't run with him on the floor, and that he is coming off of a torn Achilles tendon. Focus on the Andres and Lou Williams to be the most exciting show in town, until the play in...

Toronto - Love the addition of Jermaine O'Neal, if indeed he has anything left in the tank. Will free up Bosh from playing in the middle, which he isn't that great at, and with Calderon at the point, they will be the 7-Seconds or less Raptors...or maybe 10-Turnover Toronto. We'll see.

New Jersey - Devin Harris will be an All Star in a few years, despite video evidence to the contrary. His supporting cast isn't terrible, and I'd put the over-under of games Vince tanks at 30 (take the over).

New York - Mike D'Antoni claims he loves the 'challenge' this Knicks roster presents to his style of coaching. If by 'challenge' he means that they couldn't possibly fit his system any worse, than this is a hell of a 'challenge'. At least he'll have comfortable evenings on his bed of money.

*Breaking News* - Eddy Curry is stunned not to be in rotation. Rest of the world is stunned he is stunned.

Central

Cleveland - What do you mean they signed Mo Williams? What do you mean this might mean LeBron will stop outside shooting? What do mean they are still the second best defensive team in the East?

Detroit - It hurts me to say it. We're officially on the downside of the 'cockiest guys who only won 1 ring' era. Billups seemed more than a little off as the season wore on, and Rasheed Wallace + new coach = lot's of great television.

Chicago - Derrick Rose looks good. Really good. That said, there is a logjam at the guard position, and if cooler heads prevail, it could be a decent running team. Why didn't D'Antoni take this job again? (Glances at aforementioned piles of money) Right...

Milwalkee - Richard Jefferson, come on down! Still don't like the guy, but I enjoy the addition of Scott Skiles on the bench for the defense, and Andrew Bogut might convince me he's not terrible.

Indiana - I was wrong about them last year, so maybe I'll be wrong this year. But, if I'm not, this team should play 0 nationally televised games. ZERO.

Southeast

Orlando - Dwight Howard has been found after vanishing in the medal rounds of the Olympics, we can all rest easy. I love their front court of DHow, Rashad "Wait, how big is my contract" Lewis and Hedo Turkaglu, and their big reserves ain't bad either. Too bad no one is backing up Jameer Nelson adequately. Huh. There's something I never thought I'd say.

Miami - Dwayne Wade effectively ruined the best thing I was ever going to write. I have been working on a DWade - Penny Hardaway piece since I started this stupid blog last year, and in one Olympics, he rendered it all moot. Their coach looks like Steve Pizzi.

Atlanta - Maybe the best starting 5 in the division. I mean that. They can play fast (Bibby, Smith), they can play half court (Johnson, Horford) and they can play adequately (Williams). The problem is you can't play just 5 players over 48 minutes.

Washington - Injury bug. I think the preseason stuff is going to put them in a hole that will be insurmountable once Caron and Agent Zero make it back.

Charlotte - Larry Brown baby. He hates young players and excels with vets who play defense. What about that roster made him think this was a good fit?

Eastern Conference Playoff Seeds

1. Boston
2. Cleveland
3. Orlando
4. Detroit
5. Philly
6. Toronto
7. Miami
8. Atlanta

Northwest

Utah - Williams getting hurt early won't matter as much as one would think; this is a veteran team that played lights out last year after getting Korver from the Sixers. If they can hold on to Boozer, and keep him happy, look for another deep run out of the most inappropriately nicknamed team in the NBA.

Portland - Holy crap. I guess the Tampa Bay Rays model of success can work in other sports (if you're really bad long enough, you will stockpile enough picks to be good). Without Greg Oden, the flirted with the playoffs, with him, they're on the third date with the playoffs. Count them in.

Denver - Count them out. Look, their defense wasn't as bad as everyone tried to make it seem (fastest pace in basketball = everyone is going to score, check their per-possession numbers), but moving your best two defensive pieces in Camby and Najara won't help things. AI might get moved this year again.

Seattle - I don't want to hear it. They never moved, they never adopted that ridiculous moniker, and they never robbed a historic NBA city of their team. My only regret is that I can't pick them last in this division because of...

Minnesota - Good God. I was right about them last year, and I'll be right again this year. ZERO times on my TV this year, God willing. In a related story, Kevin will not be able to make it to the ring ceremony in Boston tonight, but rest assured, his ring is in the mail.

Pacific

Lakers - Well, speaking of GMs on other teams deserving of playoff bonuses, Chris Wallace come on down! If you can convince Lamar into being happy coming off the bench (and you know Phil can), then this scary team just got scarier. By the way, Kobe Bryant is the best player in the world. There. I said it. Don't believe me? Look at how everyone else deferred to him during crunch time in the Gold Medal game this summer. Even Bron-Bron.

Pheonix - Old. Old old old. We buried the 'seven seconds or less' Suns last year, could this be the year we bury them altogether? Motivated Shaq, healthier Amare and Steve Nash bring this crew to the playoffs, but not much further. Oh, and Terry Porter's 'new, defensive minded approach'? I give it a month.

Clippers - I like the size inside with Kamen and Camby, but I don't like Baron Davis on the injured list. They don't play enough D as a team to make the playoffs, but maybe Baron getting hurt early will serve them down the stretch.

Golden State - Who's left? Baron bolted, Monta is suspended for 30 games, and Corey Maggette is their number 1 guy to start the year. I'll let that sink in for a while.

Sacremento - You can bet on NBA games in the Palms now!!! Except for Kings games. Which means you'll have to go elsewhere to bet against Kevin Martin and his team.

Southwest

New Orleans - Chris Paul might be my favorite player in the world right now, and not just because he's amazing in NBA 2K9. They lost some point guard depth with Pargo leaving, but things that keep Chris Paul on the floor aren't a bad thing. They're a good thing.

San Antonio - They are only here because I can't put the Rockets higher than 3rd. No Manu early means the Spurs will be leaning on Duncan a lot sooner than usual, and that adds to his opportunity to get burned out sooner. Plus, I still hate Tony Parker.

Houston - McGrady! Yao! Artest! Now there's three players you can win a lot of games with... too bad they've won a combined 1 playoff series...and that's from when Artest was with the Pacers. Plus, all the health issues between McGrady and Yao, I just don't like them to advance past round 1.

Dallas - Wait, did this division send 4 teams to the dance last year? Look for Mark Cuban to look more and more disheveled as he realizes he gave away a future All Star for a Hall of Famer past his prime, who's style of play is diametrically opposed to Dirk Nowitzki's.

Memphis - O.J. Mayo! Marc Gasol! Mike Conley Jr.! Maybe in a few years fellas, until then, enjoy getting to see most of the U.S. on the company dime.

Western Conference Playoff Seeds

1. Lakers
2. Hornets
3. Utah
4. Spurs
5. Pheonix
6. Houston
7. Portland
8. Clippers

Hardware Picks

ROY - Michael Beasley; runner-up - O.J. Mayo
Defensive Player of the Year - Kevin Garnett; runner-up - Marcus Camby
Coach of the Year - Nate McMilllian; runner-up - Jerry Sloan
MVP - LeBron James; runner-up - Chris Paul

Straight Cash Homey

Are the Pats back?

Homecoming + Week 4 & Week 5 Picks

First things first: last week was such a weird sports week, I actually wrote 4 different lead ins to last week's picks. The first one was about USC losing to the Beavers, and the last one was me depressingly mashing keys after Georgia pooped the bed against Alabama. In my zeal to capture EXACTLY what was going on around me, I forgot to list my picks. Whoops. Here they are. Or were. Or whatever.

Broncos (-9) over Kansas City
Browns (+3.5) over Bengals
Texans (+7.5) over Jags
Jets (-1) over Cards
49ers (+6) over Saints
Carolina (-7.5) over Falcons
Titans (-3) over Vikings
Packers (+1.5) over Bucs
Bills (-8) over Rams
Chargers (-7) over Raiders
Redskins (+11) over Cowboys
Eagles (-3) over Bears
Ravens (+5.5) over Steelers

So, last week I went 9-4, putting me at 28-15-1 for the season. Not horrible, by any stretch.

This week, I'm writing amidst homecoming activities at Columbia University in the City of New York. Once upon a time, I asked some adult why everyday wasn't Christmas, and I was given some dismissive answer that adults give little kids they want to go away. But, as I sit here cursing all major and minor deities, I can honestly say I know why every day isn't homecoming. Good. God.

Oh, and as for reflections on the current sports world? A picture is worth 3 words. And those words are, "The Cubs Suck."


Anyway, here be this week's picks. As always, home teams are in bold.

Texans (+3.5) over Indy
Titans(-3) over B'More
Skins (+6) over Eagles
Chargers (-6.5) over Fins
Falcons (+7) over Packers (I know, I know, just bear with me)
Chi-Town (-3.5) over Former Matt Millen employers
Giants (-7.5) over Seahawks
Panthers (-9.5) over Chiefs
Broncos (-3) over Bucs
Niners (+3.5) over Pats
Cowboys (-1,000) over Bengals (Obviously, I'm kidding, the line is only 17. But, wouldn't you at least think about the thousand? BTW, two-team-tease of the week: Cowboys/Chargers. You're welcome)
Bills (+1) over Cards
Jags (-4.5) over Steelers
Vikes (+3.5) over Saints

Last Week: 9-4
Season: 28-15-1

Oh, and GO LIONS!

The Power of FU Money + Monster.com + Week 3 Picks

Before you read this, I hope you have heard what Josh Howard was captured saying about the national anthem. My feelings aside, the response in the media has been hilarious, to say the least. Please, take the time to read some of the emails sent to Mark Cuban, which HE POSTED on his wonderful blog. I warn you, it gets pretty awful.

http://blogmaverick.com/2008/09/18/thanks-for-the-advice-on-josh/

Defending one of your employees/players? Free. Keeping your email address public so that your fans can get in touch with you? Free. Posting the email addresses of the people who sent some of the most vile things I have ever read in my life? THAT my friends, is FU Money.

Ahem.

Welcome to this week's edition of the picks, brought to you by Monster.com, one of the world's largest job finding websites. And, it's soon to be the homepage for a select number of NFL coaches. Here's a list of the hottest seat coaches, in the order I thought about them. Apologies to Mike Nolan, Romeo Crennell, and Rod Marinelli...you'll be on the list before all is said and done, I just know it!

Lane Kiffen (1-1) : As I mentioned in the NFL preview thing, Al Davis tried to fire the young Mr. Kiffen after last season. What I didn't mention is that Lane tried, in turn, to fire Davis favorite defensive coordinator Rob Ryan, only he failed too. Which means these three men, attempted firings and all, have been working together. He may be the only coach trying to get fired, and look for him to succeed soon.

Marvin Lewis (0-2) : 1 season over .500 in his tenure. All control taken away from him in the off season. Repeated public spats with biggest star. Chris Henry again. If Marvin has a favorite sandwich shop in Cincy, he shouldn't pick up a new punch card for a free sub, that's all I'm sayin.

Herm Edwards: (0-2) : See, carbonite, frozen in or Shell, Art.

Scott Linehan: (0-2) : Lame duck. The team was able to be bad last year because of lots of serious injuries. No easy excuse this year. Reports out of St. Louis have Chip Rosenbloom ready to go against his mother's death bed wishes of granting Linehan another year to figure it out. Time appears to be up and not in Linehan's favor. Blantent ignoring of a dead womans last wishes? Now that's what I call a 'hot seat'.

On to picks. Home teams, as always, in bold.

Atlanta (-5.5) over KC

I believe in Tyler Thigpen. I believe he will be awful. Just awful.

Bills (-9.5) over Oakland

Just fire him already! Look, all week we heard about how Al Davis was ready to get rid of Lane Kiffen sometime soon...just do it, so he can focus on getting his Eagle Scout. Geez.

Titans (-5) over Texans

I thought the Texans were supposed to be good this year. Did the hurricane give them the ability to stay within 5 of the best defensive team in the League? I don't think so.

Fins (+13) over Pats

Oh my god, I just picked against the Pats...I think I'm going to be sick. Welcome back to Earth, Terminators. Look for a team more like the '01 Pats, not the "Kill everyone" Pats of '07. Besides, I think Joey Porter means business this time!

Tampa (+3) over Chi-Town

I like Tampas D, and Chicago isn't a home field advantage unless it's cold. Which it ain't.

Rams (+9.5) over Seahawks

Seattle signed 2 recievers off the street this week, and they will be starting Sunday. Avoid gambling on this at all costs. If gambling were legal.

Panthers (+3.5) over Vikes

The Gus Ferrotte era runs into an apparent team of destiny in Carolina. Who really cares how Gus Ferrotte's name is spelled?

Niners (-4) over Lions

The Lions run defense against Frank Gore? Yes please.

Giants (-13) over Bengals

Two. Team. Tease.

Eagles (-3) over Steelers

Wait a second. This is a late afternoon game, and I get Jets/Chargers on Monday night? Good Grief. (It's a Peanuts joke...)

Cards (+3) over Skins

I'm taking Kurt Warner for the win.

Colts (-5) over Jags

Jags can't run, and their best reciever keeps trying to snort the 50 yard line.

Ravens (-2.5) over "Browns"

Romeo Crennel officially hands in his resignation, falling back to Earth after last year's miracle season...when they almost made the playoffs.

Broncos (-5.5) over Saints

Jay Cutler is the NFL leader in touchdowns and passing yards. Vanderbilt grad Jay Cutler.

Packers (+3) over Cowboys

The 'Boys' defense looked terrible on Monday night, and actually looked happy to get that win. The Iggles defense was furious, even though they held TO to 2 catches in the second half. Which team do you think is built to win later in the year?

Jets (+10) over Chargers

LDT is apparently not going to be playing in REGULAR season games this year, so that he will be healthy for the playoffs. There seems to be a hole in that logic...and on my fantasy team.

Last Week: 11-3-1
Season: 19-11-1

Fantasy Thoughts + Week 2 Picks

Wow. Tom Brady. Done for the season. I feel just awful for Rashad Biggers, CC '05, who unwisely took the fallen Pats quarterback with the first overall pick in our fantasy league. Ignoring the fact that passing TDs are only 4 points in our league, against 6 points per rushing TD. Laughing at the notion that LDT will continue to be the best fantasy player. Braving great ridicule from, well everyone, Rashad Biggers stuck by his guns and picked his team, and he should be applauded for his conviction.

Bravo.

Bravo on making the single dumbest move in fantasy history (even BEFORE the injury), allowing LDT to fall to 2, allowing me to trade for him, allowing me to post a league-best 126.6 last week. Rome wasn't built in a day...but I haven't figured out what to call my empire. And it looks like it was built on a pick.

Back to real life, and real picks.

After week 1, I'm 8-8. It could be worse. Home teams, as always, in bold.

KC (-3.5) over Oakland

Well, that was a flop. No, not my attempts to procure a Bernard Pollard jersey (sold out), but the Jamarcus Russell experiment. Maybe man was not meant to hold out for a good part of his rookie season, be given no playmakers on the offense except for ANOTHER running back, and open his second season on Monday Night Football. Maybe man was destined to have to work for success, not have it handed to him. Dubya, I'm looking at you. Damn, broke my politics referendum.

Tenn (+1) over Cincy

Are you freaking kidding me? The Titans injure a bunch of Jaguars, get a huge week one win, but the second they throw a drunk under center, they are underdogs to a team that was embarrassing, at best? Really? I'll be taking the Titans, and laughing all the way to 4 sacks of Carson Palmer.

Indy (-2) over Minnesota

Peyton looked about 4 steps slow. Marvin looked still hurt. Dallas Clark might not play. Addai got shook up on Sunday Night. The defense couldn't close down a rookie running back. Meanwhile, on Monday...Peterson fought for 100 yards, proving to me just how hard it is going to be on him every game this year. The defense looked strong against a resilient Green Bay offense. But Tavaris Jackson is STILL the quarterback.

N.O. (PK) over Washington

Wow. Look, I'm not going to start listing the reasons that Washington looked awful, and N.O. looked good last week. I will say, if gambling were legal, nothing could stop me from betting the house on the Saints. Huh. Never thought I'd say that.

Green Bay (-3) over Detroit

Detroit got mutilated by a very average Falcons team (no matter how much I want to believe otherwise, I can't. Not yet.) Green Bay looks better than the Atlanta team, and Detroit can't seem to decide what they are. Do they want to run the ball first, do they want to throw to Roy and Megatron (Best. Nickname. Ever.)? I don't know what they want, but I do know they will be 0-2 after this week.

Carolina (-3) over Chicago

I think? Both these defenses looked really good, and the Panthers are supremely better on offense. Unless this Forte kid is really that good. Unless Jake Delhomme isn't as back as he looked. Unless Kyle Orton is REALLY the answer? Ugh. Avoid this game for gambling possibilities at all costs.

NYGiants (-8.5) over St. Louis

Pick the defense that plays the Rams every week. There it is, your fantasy football advice of the week. In a related story, Stephen Jackson is an AWFUL fantasy back to have, because his team will be down alot every game, and he won't be running.

Buffalo (+5.5) over Jacksonville

It's tough treading when you lose both starting guards in the first week. Especially since David Garrard seems to be coming back to Earth from his amazing year last year. On the other hand, the Titans defense has the power to make most teams look mortal. Maybe I should be taking J'ville here, but if you are winning a game, and build on your lead using a fake field goal, then I'm picking you the next week. I don't have many rules, but that's one of them.

Tampa Bay (-7) over Atlanta

Rookie quarterbacks on the road against Monte Kiffen? G'night "Matty Ice". What a God-awful nickname.

San Fran (+7) over Seattle

Name 1 receiver still healthy in Seattle. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Zona (-6.5) over Miami

Mehhh....I don't feel good about that. Miami was one drive away from toppling the Jets, who have to be the favorites in division right now, and Warner is no Bret Favre. I guess I'm thinking that the supporting cast and defense is better out in the desert, and they show it this week.

New England (+1.5) over NYJets

Matt Cassel era starts...now! Seriously, he's surrounded by enough talent that if the Pats revert to 2001 form (step up on D, crossing patterns and quick outs, more running game) they would be fine even if I were under center. Especially playing a quarterback who is still learning the offense in Bret Favre.

Houston (-4.5) over B'More

Time to find out just how back the Ravens defense really is. I think this Houston squad has the potential to knock off Indy in the Best Division in Football, but they need a defining win, and not just over their division foes. A message could be sent if they can hang some points on this D, and keep Joe Flacco under wraps. Okay, just the 1st thing.

Denver (+1.5) over San Diego

SD got off to a slow start last year, and it looks the same way now. Only, there's no way to tell if Denver is any good, since Eddie Royal was basically running routes on air last Monday, and all the starters were chillin by the middle of the third. I like Denver at home, and I like Jake Cutler, now that he's got his diabetes under control, and I like Mike Shannahan over Norv.

Pittsburgh (-6) over Cleveland

One hit wonder, the Cleveland Browns!!!

Philly (+ 7) over Dallas

The Illadelph looked great last week, as Donovan F. lead his squad to victory over Dartmouth, I mean St. Louis. While I don't think they'll romp as badly this week, I do think that McNabb and co. have traditionally looked great in the early goings, and faded late. That could mean that this is the game that serves as a wake up call for the Romos, that this league is theirs for the taking if they can win a couple of playoff games. Or, McNabb gets hurt, and the entire city of Philadelphia takes a collective cyanide pill.

Last Week: 8-8
Season: 8-8

2008 NFL Preview + Week 1 Picks

It's hard to believe that a just over a year ago, I typed numerous predictions that were horribly, horribly wrong. Continuing my lifetime of not learning from my mistakes, I return, to make more awful predictions.

AFC East
1. Pats
2. Jets
3. Buffalo
4. Fins

Hm. Well, the Pats got younger at their most crucial position on the defensive side of the ball, with Rosey Colvin being replaced by Mayo. Plus, they don't have exactly the most daunting schedule this year, and while 16-0 is too much to hope for, I think 14-2 is well within reach.

The former Jersey-B team got way more respectable with the off season additions of Alan Faneca and Damien Woody helping out the running game. Plus, I heard that they had a slight upgrade at quarterback...Look for the Jets to fight for a wild card spot this year.

Buffalo/Toronto is an interesting case this year, as Marshawn Lynch looks to be poised to break out, but the uncertainty on the offensive line might hold him back. They've got a proven NFL starter under center, but I don't see them playing in January. I'm pretty down on the Fins...as is every NFL prognosticator, commentator, and I'd venture to guess most Miami players. But, look for exciting things out of the Ricky Williams show, provided he doesn't get TOO high.

AFC North
1. B'More
2. Pitt
3. "Browns"
4. Cincy

Maybe I've been watching too much "The Wire"(no such thing as too much). Maybe watching Ray Lewis' kid brother on Hard Knocks got to me. Maybe I believe in Joe Flacco...I mean Kyle Boller...I mean Troy Smith...I mean Joe Flacco again. Quarterback carousel aside, I have to think that the defense bounces back from the embarrassment of last season to continue carrying this team to greatness. Maybe.

Pittsburgh was impressive at times last year, but Willie Parker needs to get in the end zone more, and Limas Sweed needs to live up to the hype. If your offense is dependent on a starter returning from a big injury, and in the injection of a talented rookie, you most likely aren't ending up1st in the division. The "Browns" might be one hit wonders, and even if they aren't, preseason injuries to Derek Anderson and Braylon Edwards makes me question this potent offense.

I think Cincy is irreparably broken, and needs a coaching change immediately. I really like Marvin Lewis, but this stuff is getting out of hand. Negative press at every turn, and now with a big(ger than reported) injury to Chad Johnson, I don't see them breaking .500. Again.

AFC South
1. Colts
2. J'Ville
3. Texans
4. Tennessee

Here goes the division I feel the worst about. I have no idea how this is going to finish. I'm ignoring the growing rumors that Peyton had a second knee surgery, and that the knee swells up at the slightest movement. I'm also going to ignore the Marvin Harrison gun story, as did every news outlet across the country this off season.

No one should want to play the Jags this year. This is an angry team, with a dangerous quarterback, and a dominant defense. The Texans got derailed last year by fluky injuries, so I look for former Falcon Matt Schaub to have a great year. Tennessee is not this low because I'm down on them, but because I'm frankly dumbfounded. How did this division get this good? Can we annex one of these teams to the AFC West, so that we can have three of them in the play offs? Speaking of...

AFC West
1. Super-Chargers
2. Broncos
3. Raiders
4. KC

Well, duh. Since LDT has revealed himself only to vanish during meaningful playoff games, San Diego should be pretty set throughout the regular season. The fact that the rest of the of the division happens to be the anti-AFC South helps alot too.

I'm tired of reading about how Jay Cutler is going to turn the corner this year. You mean with his best receiver benched for the first game...that just HAPPENS to be a division game? Right. The Raiders actually intrigue me, but when it comes down to it, I choose the proven commodity of Mike Shannhan over some kid who has to knock out a paper route before coming to the office everyday. I just think those hours are going to eat at his teenage mind and body. How is the fact that Al Davis tried to force Lane Kiffen into quitting after last year not being mentioned at all? The owner trying to get rid of the coach, and failing, would be a pretty big deal heading into a new season, if you ask me. The only thing worse than that, is if you're picked to finish behind that team.

Hi Herm Edwards.

NFC East
1. Dallas
2. Philly
3. Skins
4. Super Bowl Hangovers

In light of last night's Fantasy Draft, Dallas has to put up points, or I'm done. The only thing working against them is the fact that they have been remarkably healthy/lucky for the past three years, and something has to give...right?

I want Philly to win this division. I think the people of Philadelphia need their team to win this division. And if Donovan F. doesn't win this division, he could be job hunting come next season. They have the defense. They have the QB. They just have to get it done. The Redskins are breaking in a first year coach, they have an aging defense, and I just don't see them going on the miracle run of last season.

Up in New York, no matter what they tell you, it is REALLY HARD to replace the starting defensive ends off of a Super Bowl winning team. Especially when they are the reason for your past success.

NFC North
1. Green Bay
2. Minnesota
3. Lions
4. Bears

You asked for it, you got it. The Aaron Rodgers era is underway. At least he's got a dominant defense, a decent running game, and some talented skill players to help he along. And since each of the other three teams is missing a major part of a successful football team, they win by default. Minnesota has the D, but is starting Tavaris Jackson, and Adrian Peterson hasn't played a full season since his freshman year in college. The Lions have the talent, but no running game or defense. The Bears allegedly still have a defense, but they don't have anything else.

NFC South
1. Carolina
2. Saints
3. Bucs
4. Falcons

Carolina wins this. I mean, the Saints. I mean Tampa Bay. Look, all I know is Atlanta finishes fourth. After stabbing their fans in the face by not drafting Dorsey, they twisted the knife by starting the new 'franchise quarterback' behind an offensive offensive line. Ok, enough about them, or I'm going to shoot myself.

If Delhomme is back 100%, and Peppers and the defense can rebound from the abysmal showing last year, look for them to make some noise. The Saints look to be poised to come back after starting really slow last year. Every time a team wins this division, the next year their in the basement. Unfortunately, the Falcons are parked in the basement for the foreseeable future, so Tampa will be sharing the space with them.

NFC West
1. Seahawks
2. Niners
3. St. Louis
4. Arizona

How is the West in both conferences freaking embarrassing? The Seahawks are perennially good, mostly because their division is garbage. The departure (and subsequent unemployment) of Shaun Alexander means running back by committee here, which appears to be the way most of the L is moving. Hasselbeck is always a consistent QB, and his receivers looked to be developing into something special at the end of last year.

The Niners are going to continue to be awful, even with Mike Martz running the show. With Patrick Willis holding down the defense, they should bottle up the other two teams in the league, who have their own problems. The Rams should be interesting this year, in the sense that they are going to be imploding before week 8. Good times. Is Matt Leinart officially a bust, since he has gotten beaten out by a 55 year old man in Kurt Warner? The Arizona defense stars Carlos Dansby...and no one else.

AFC Playoff Teams:
1. Pats
2. Chargers
3. Baltimore
4. Indy
5. Jax
6. Jets

NFC Playoff Teams:
1. Dallas
2. Carolina
3. Green Bay
4. Seahawks
5. Philly
6. Saints

Super Bowl:
Pats over Philly...again. Sorry Philadelphia phans, but they will not be denied this time, especially since now Belichick is cheating in HD.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Week 1 Picks:
I'm tired of writing, so nothing witty about these games. Home teams, as always, in bold.

Washington (+4.5) over Giants

Baltimore (+1.5) over Cincy

Jets (-3) over Miami

Pats (-15.5) over KC

Houston (+6.5) over Pitt

J'ville (-3) over Tenn

Detroit (-3) over Atl

Seattle (+1) over Buffalo

N.O. (-3) over Tampa Bay

Philly (-7.5) over St. Louis

Dallas (-5.5) over Cleveland

Carolina (+9.5) over San Diego

Zona (-2.5) over San Fran

Indy (-9.5) over Chi-Town

Minnesota (+2.5) over Green Bay

Denver (-3) over Oakland

iSuck

It's been a while since I posted, mainly because I've been moving all weekend, but that's no excuse. Actually, that's exactly what it is. Oh well. Pending getting internet at the new place today, I will be posting my Fantasy Football Team as soon as I am done drafting tonight, and the NFL Preview will be up, along with Week 1 Picks before kick off tomorrow night. I guarantee. Kinda.

The Thursday night kick off is dumb anyway.

Until all that stuff gets posted, support your friendly neighborhood blogger by going to my Zazzle page, and picking out a spiffy t-shirt. Here be the link:

Cool and funny shirts!

Plus, I'm here to bring you one of the biggest collabs of the year. Kanye, Jay-Z, Lil' Wayne, T.I.

You're welcome.



SWAGGER LIKE US

I'll be back tomorrow.

Who Called These Finals?

I called these Finals.

Yes I did.

But after watching these games...it might be Lakers in 5, 4 if they feel frisky.