Mid-Range Jumpers

The Association, save me!

That would be melodramatic if it wasn't so true. Armed with only a surprisingly engaging US Open and a historic Wimbledon Final, I've been held sports-hostage by the ooooh soooo looong baseball season. While the Braves stumble to another .500 record (more on that later), I thought it was time to dust off America's favorite, rarely updated blog format, where we celebrate the lost art of the Mid-Range Jumper.

Lot's of stuff on the plate today, and surprise, surprise, it's heavy on the NBA, NFL and college football, but I'm trying to branch out. Bear with me.

• Let's start close to home re: free agency...so, we bring in Jamal Crawford, bring back Bibby, and are trying to keep Marvin. Does the front office not remember what happened when we tried the all-swing man team a few years back? Do they plan on talking Marvin into coming off the bench? Will he stand for it? Will the fan base? Wait, a basketball fan base in Atlanta? STAY TUNED!
• At least the Pistons didn't mortgage their future by locking up two mid-level guys for long, expensive contracts in a year where the cap went down for the second time in league history and right before the biggest drop ever next year. Wait, they did that? Oh, and I hope the Rip Hamilton period was good for the fans because he is G-O-N-E. Probably to Atlanta, so we can have more swing men.
• Chad Johnson (I refuse to acknowledge that ridiculous last name he's adopted) apparently wants to tweet on the sideline. When it's this easy, it almost isn't fun.
• AMAZING show put on by Roddick and Federer last weekend...if Tennis could routinely put on shows like that, they would do more than suck in all us hung over people on the occasional Sunday mornings.
• Dallas Mavericks are apparently convinced that this is the year 2001, and Jason Kidd deserves a 3 year deal. Mark Cuban is routinely touted for his intelligent business decisions, so I guess every other point guard on Earth will die of some unknown ball-handling disease in the next 3 years, and Kidd will survive it. Those Mavs are so savvy.
• Take that last bullet, change Dallas Mavericks to Orlando Magic, change Jason Kidd to Vince Carter, and change point guard to swing man. Wait, if that were to really happen, would the Hawks trot out Bibby, Horford, and Zaza?
• I don't want to hear a word about Andruw Jones hitting three home runs in his three first at bats this year. I just don't. After the vanishing act in LA last year, his career is forever tarnished.
• Rasheed Wallace to the Celtics would never have happened if Big Poppa Stern still wielded his power judiciously.
• Did you know the WNBA is still around? And that Atlanta has a team? And they are called the Dream? And that none of that is made up? (I haven't made a WNBA joke in months, and don't forget, they got NEXT!)
• Sports prediction: Tiger wins everything by 2012, forces white folks to quit golf and solidify hold on hockey...for now.
• If AI ends up in Memphis with OJ Mayo, then there will be a dearth of basketballs in the state of Tennessee...a dearth I say!
• Hey Lake-Show, way to follow up a title with downgrading defensively from Ariza to Ron-Ron...he is old.
• Speaking of the Rockets (I wasn't talking about them, but about a player who just left them...whatever), I feel legitimately bad for the entire front office for the way McGrady and Yao have turned out...but it's still really, really funny.
• Shaq and Penny. Shaq and Kobe. Shaq and Wade. Shaq and LeBron. One of these will not work. Three of these already happened.

If the WNBA was playing in my very own back yard, I would close the blinds. (I gotta be me!)

Mid-Range Jumpers

That's right kids, we're back. America's favorite long-running, rarely updated, OLASB post format is back, and with a vengeance.


Is this Atlanta professional sports renaissance for real? Why won't the Colts go away? Did the NHL season really start? How much did Al Davis offer me to coach the Raiders? How bad do the Braves want Jake Peavy? When will the first Mike Singletary Coors Light commercial air? What did I go as this year for Halloween?

All this and more in the latest edition of the truly lost art of the Mid-Range Jumper!

• Ok. The A.I. trade. I think it makes sense for both teams, as the Pistons get one of the 50 greatest of all time for a year, and gives them cap room come 2009-2010. Plus, they have someone who can create their own shot, which could open things up for a more drive and kick game, saving Rip and Rasheed's legs through the season, since they won't be running around as much. Denver gets a proven facilitator who won't attack Melo's confidence by being the clearly more clutch player...and Melo can grow back his cornrows without feeling like he's copying his smaller, older, better brother.
• That much basketball analysis wore me out.
• Baseball is still boring as sin. There, that's better.
• BCS Title game looks like Big 12 Champ versus SEC Champ...at least both these leagues have title games. Unlike the Big 10.
• Speaking of leagues full of fake football, if Oregon State wins out, they go to the Rose Bowl, while USC goes to some lesser bowl. Let's go Beavers!
• David Ortiz admitted on the radio that even he knew that Manny had to go, that he was actively trying to get out of Boston. In other news, Mr. Ortiz also spoke out about the sky being blue, and water being wet.
• Somewhere, Scott Boras is reading about the $45 million the Dodgers are offering, and cackling evilly into the night.
• I have loved watching the Hawks thus far, and might have to get sucked into what looks like something special. Still, I feel like I'm going back to an obviously abusive relationship.
  
• The Chicago game was something special. Not just because Horford went for 27-17-6, but because it confirmed that Vinny Del Negro is an NBA head coach. VINNY DEL FREAKING NEGRO!!! (I took way too much time trying to figure out where to put the freaking. I think I made the right decision)
• Millicent Olawale...Millicent Olawale....Millicent Olawale...Millicent Olawale...
• The Bears are counting on Kyle Orton to bounce back from injury for the rest of their season. I'll let THAT sink in.
• Hockey is happening. I think. It has to, it's this time of year, right?
• Dwight Howard had his first career triple-double last night...30 points, 19 rebounds, 10 BLOCKS. Wow.
• CP3 opened the season with 6 straight 20-10 games...are we in a new golden age of basketball? Signs are pointing to yes.
• The Braves claimed they weren't going to morgatge their future to get Peavy, but now that it looks like they might get him, EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!
• Should I start Tyler Thigpin or Big Ben this week in my fantasy league? Why is this even a debate? What a weird year.
• Greg Oden has already missed 2 weeks of games. Chances he finishes the rest of the season healthy? Slim and none.
  
• Tony Romo is coming back to save the Cowboys season. Once he makes his guaranteed blunder of the week, and sinks the team, who will save them next?

Finally, I was wrong about Matt Ryan. I admit it. He is putting together one of the greatest seasons we've ever seen from a rookie quarterback. 11 tds versus only 5 ints? Who saw this coming? Really?

Political junkies like me will love this...a great article contributed to by Columbia Grad Nick Summers.

Oh, and to answer the questions that came before the bullets: yes (I hope), alligator blood, I think, more than Lane Kiffen is making on his paper route, not bad enough, the Super Bowl, and Santa Claus.

Thursday Night Pick: Jets (+3.5) over Pats

Knee Jerk Reactions + Week 9 Picks

Did you catch Oden last night? - Stretch

I would hope that by now, my friends would realize that if there is an NBA Basketball game on the television, I will be in front of it. Unless there's something else on. Anyway, here are a few of my knee jerk reactions to week 1 of NBA action.

- Maybe the Hawks aren't terrible. Maybe that bench can hold up for 82 games. Maybe we didn't win because it was a Magic team with no one to back up Jameer Nelson. Maybe Duncan is right. NAHHHHHHHHHHH.

- "You gotta be careful overreacting to one game" - Rick Carlisle, new coach of the Dallas Mavericks. Um, if your team goes 6-24 in the fourth quarter, when their problem since they MADE the finals has been closing out games/season, you may want to react.

- The Celtics are as good as advertised.

- Greg Oden (and by extension, the Trailblazers) are in trouble.

- The Rockets looked really good. REALLY GOOD, even with McGrady injured and watching alot of the game. They hung with a high scoring Mavs team, with Yao dropping 30, and Mr. Ron Artest dropping 29. He stays happy, they stay winning.

- The Lakers reupped with Bynum. They're convinced he's 100%. Looking at another young center with knee problems who they played opening night, I'm not convinced this was the best idea.

Finally, the List. The List is the teams that, when they come to town, I will do anything to acquire tickets to see these teams in person. ANYTHING.

1. Cavaliers - Duh. Look, if this is LeBron's big coming out year, I demand to see a game in person.

2. Hornets - Oh, what could have been...I read somewhere that the Human Ally-Oop Machine that is Chris Paul should have to play one exhibition game a year with Josh Smith and Joe Johnson, just so Atlanta fans have something more to cry about. I hate this.

3. Nuggets - Until they trade AI, my all-time favorite player.

4. New AI Team - Barring it is not Minnesota or Indiana, we're all good.

5. Memphis - They're young and look entertaining on paper.

6. Lakers - I want to see the Kobe show live. I admit it.

7. Celtics - Their first trip to Phillips this year is Wednesday, December 17. I already have a ticket. You should get one too, and see if Zaza bucks on KG again.

Those are my 7, with Miami as an alternate if AI doesn't get traded (he will). Without further ado, the hopefully triumphant return of the picks...home team, as always in bold.

Toronto/Buffalo (-5.5) over Jets

The Bills were exposed last week, look for them to bounce back at home.

Chicago (-12) over Detroit

I don't like this line, it feels way too high, but the Lions have been awful. And does ANYONE know how to spell that quarterback's name?

Cincy (+7.5) over Jacksonville

Have the Jags beat anyone this year by more than 7?

Cleveland (-1.5) over Baltimore

Joe Flacco on the road? Yes please.

Tennessee (-4.5) over Green Bay

The Titans have to lose eventually. Just not this week.

Tampa Bay (-9) over Kansas City

The Bucs should be ashamed at the meltdown against Dallas last week, and should get right against an awful Kansas City team. Sidenote: at this point, what do Marvin Lewis and Herm Edwards have to do to get fired? Admit to betting against their teams? Moon the owners box? I mean, I never wanna see a man lose his job, but when you are begging for it like these two...

Arizona (-3) over St. Louis

I dunno. I really don't. Why does someone have to win the NFC West? Weren't we all agreeing that the Rams were the worst team in football a few weeks back? Could one of these teams really win the West? Ugh.

Houston (+4.5) over Minnesota

Three straight road picks, and these games aren't even moderately interesting. One more week of byes, and then we're back to a full slate. Looking back on this, the only game I want to see so far is the Titans/Packers.

Miami (+3) over Denver

The bye week isn't going to help their defensive woes, as they lost their best corner Champ Bailey for some time in the Patriots game. Woah. Was that actual football talk and not just stupid jokes? Better keep moving.

Atlanta (-3) over Oakland

ALL THESE GAMES ARE AWFUL!!! And I just know I'm going to be sitting down, watching this nonsense.

Giants (-9) over Dallas

Brad Johnson. Giants pass rush. Brad Johnson. Giants pass rush. Brooks Bollinger!

Philly (-7) over Seattle

Dare I tease Giants/Eagles? I know that both teams are going to win, but my teases have been so bad I'm so gun shy...ah screw it. The OLASB, TEASE OF THE WEEK: Giants/Eagles. You're welcome, and I will accept 10% of your winnings.

Indy (-6) over New England

It's get right time in Indianapolis. They lose this one, kiss the playoffs goodbye, and get planning for next year.

Washington (-1.5) over Pittsburgh

I'm pretty torn here, since the Zorn era has gone fairly smoothly thus far, Campbell has looked good, and so has Portis. The Steelers have no running attack, and I like the Skins' passing defense. But the Steelers have been winning games weird all year...avoid at all costs. At least I will be.

Seis De Mayo

Doesn't quite have that same ring to it, huh? Once upon a time, I had a blog, and on this blog, I would do entries called Mid-Range Jumpers, where I would wax faux philosophic about the going ons in the sporting world. I guess I'll try to bring it back.

• Who says the public flogging is out of style? The Hawks put up a valiant effort, but they just couldn't stand in the face of the Celtics in Boston. But, they gave us hope for next year...as long as we get a new GM and a new coach.
• I love the NFL off-season. Cedric Benson and people who act even REMOTELY like him are the reason why.
• PETA is again proving to be my least favorite interest group. It was just a horse. Go away.
• No problem with KB24 getting the MVP, but I hope CP3 made it close. His dismantling of the Mavs, and his current show against the Spurs is an interesting case.
• Roger Clemens. Ew. Led to the funniest line of Bill Simmons' chat last week though:

Brad (Detroit, MI): Clemens 20K game on ESPN Classic right now.
Bill Simmons: Mindy McCready was five during this game.

• Recent Steelers draft pick Rashad Mendenhall was robbed at gunpoint recently. Welcome to the NFL, where you will be paid a ridiculous salary, but there is no set protection for you. Screw up, and we'll penalize you before a trial, but you better hope that new bullseye is unseen by most.
  
• Maybe D'Antoni would like to coach a bunch of young, super-athletic overachievers? Huh?
• Or Avery Johnson? Or Lenny Wilkens? Okay, maybe not Lenny again.
• Best of luck to the Gehrig Division winning Columbia Lions baseball team as they vie for the Ivy League Title today and tomorrow at Dartmouth.
• What the hell Marvin Harrison? Has Peyton Manning gotten to you that bad?
• REVISED NBA playoff predictions: Celtics in 6, Pistons in 5, Lakers in 5, Hornets in 6. These don't replace my original guesses, just wanted to give my input since I am usually wrong.
• How do I reeeeeach these kids?
• ZAZA FREAKING PACHULIA...ZAZA FREAKING PACHULIA...ZAZA FREAKING PACHULIA

Well, that's it for now. I've been working hard, and will be rewarding myself with my first ever Vegas trip this summer. Never have I been in one place that so caters to all my vices at once. Plus, I'm going with my degenerate friends who do nothing but egg me on to do stupid things. Plus, a bar owner I know will be staying at the same hotel as me...in town for a friend of HIS bachelor's party. Plus, we're flying in on Friday the 13th. Looking at all these factors, the following exchange said it best.

Me: Is this just a perfect storm?

Jolson: It's already a N'oreaster.

Mid-Range Jumpers

I must interrupt your regularly scheduled blog with a special announcement...

In case you missed last nights The Sports Watchers radio show, the entire thing is available for easy listening at www.thesportswatchers.com where you can hear me bemoan the current state of the Falcons future. I haven't heard it yet, so if I sound stupid, tell me so

...And now back to America's favorite long-running and rarely updated column format, the truly lost art of the Mid-Range Jumper!!

- The Mitchell Report has 'shockingly' outed Roger Clemens as a long time HGH and steroid user. Now, I don't really care about steroids in MLB anymore (attempting restraint) so I won't say any more (aw, to hell with it) I TOLD YOU SO!!!

- Sorry about that. Apparently A-Rod and his agent aren't talking; you ask me, Mr. Boras fell on the PR grenade for his client, a move that will pay off when he signs the next big thing in regards to the depth of his loyalty.

- The Suns handed the Spurs their first home loss last night, showing that Grant Hill really is a good fit for this team, having led Phoenix scorers with 22.

- Roy Williams was suspended today by the NFL for his horse collar tackle of Donovan F. McNabb, who might have saved his job by winning in Big D. Roy, if they make a rule to stop a tackle because you hurt someone with it, you might not want to keep doing it. Just my two cents.

- Florida State athletics is apparently embroiled in a cheating scandel that may touch many programs including (gasp) the football team. In other news, the sky is still blue.

- Dick Vitale will be undergoing vocal cord surgery. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

- It doesn't matter who Tony Romo is or isn't dating come the playoffs: if they stumble down the stretch, and have to play at Green Bay, just go ahead and get ready for the battle of legendary seasons that will be Packers/Patriots.

- I am not cheering for the Terminators, but I have to admit this past Sunday was impressive. They basically shut up every talking head that said this team was the pre-Super Bowl winning Colts, because when they have to, they can be tough, physical and jam it down the other teams throats. Plus, the linebacking corps get to be paid less, as the balance of their game checks is covered in Social Security.

As we all wait anxiously for Bowl Season to begin December 20th, I for one am looking mostly forward to next season. Why am I so excited?

Knowshon Knows Football.

Great video of Moreno's performance against the evil Florida Gators. Hawaii doesn't stand a chance.

Mid-Range Jumpers

How dare O.J. Simpson, with all these people watching him, and still mad he got away the first time, put himself in the situation of being involved involving something ELSE illegal. Let me guess, he was looking for the real robbers.

- Ricky Williams has been reinstated by the NFL. It’s almost too easy to make jokes at this point. I think I had an aneurysm thinking about the possibilities.

- REX GROSSMAN IS NEVER THE ANSWER

- What the hell was Columbia doing on ESPN Tuesday night? Shouldn’t the alumni be informed when something like this happens? On that note…

- Joe Jones…Joe Jones…Joe Jones…Joe Jones…

- Anyone in the market for an impossible to please, shoot-first point guard who is due 42 million dollars over the next two years? Anyone? Isaiah, put your hand down, you’re trying to get rid of him.

- Happy trails Dwight Freeney, you will be missed.

- A-Rod watch continues…when he ends up with the Yankees again, boy will that be an awkward press conference.

- Shaun Alexander, the car taking you out of Seattle is waiting out front.

- Joe Johnson is allegedly asking for veteran help in Atlanta. Um, Joe, you left STEVE

NASH two years ago!!!

- Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford…

- The Celtics are still really good. Really. Really. Good.

- If Eli’s last name was ‘Jones’, would we be waiting for him to make the leap to superstardom? Have you seen anything to suggest he’s just that good? I haven't.

- Can the Raiders afford not to play JaMarcus Russell at this point?

- If Tennessee loses in the next two weeks, we could be headed for LSU-UGA in the SEC title game. If UGA were to knock off LSU, then we could head to a big BCS bowl, and should be pre-season #1. BTW, this may be the most acronyms used in only 3 sentences ever.

- Wake me when the NHL playoffs start, I can’t find Versus on Comcast.

Extra details of the Starbury situation: apparently, he and Isaiah threw hands on the plane, an altercation which ended with Steph threatening to drop dime on Zeke for stuff that would somehow FURTHER damage his reputation. Then, last night, Starbury apparently flew to LA to play off the bench against the Clippers. I love that in all the sports negativity, the Knicks have cornered the market in embarrassing in-house news. Someone needs to step up before they get complacent…Portland, we’re looking at you.

Mid-Range Jumpers

A week into the NBA season, and I’m already getting sucked into what promises to be a terrible cycle of disappointment regarding the 2007-2008 Atlanta Hawks. Watching them beat the Mavs in the opener, and give away the game at the end in Detroit, I can’t help but see a whole lot of promise in this young team. Our major shortcoming so far has to do with Tyron Lue handling the majority of the PG responsibilities. He’s competent on the offensive end, but a serious defensive liability, as he was abused late in Rock City for two easy field goals. As Acie Law IV matures on the team, he will be taking more and more responsibility on the team. Why do I set myself up for such a fall every year with every Atlanta sports team? Ugh.

- Adrian Peterson rushed for 296 on Sunday, cementing his place in NFL history in his first season. He’s in the record books as the all time single game rusher in his eighth NFL game ever, supported by no passing game, on 30 carries. There’s nothing funny about this at all. It’s just amazing.

- Celtics are what we thought they were. Very. Very. Good.

- Greg Maddux collected his record 17th Gold Glove…and if he doesn’t go to the Hall as a Brave, I may kill someone. Same goes for you Mr. Glavine.

- Either LSU or Oregon will beat the pants off of a very so-so Ohio State come National Title time.

- Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno…

- Brian Billick or Ray Lewis: Baltimore front office: who ya wit?

- ARod/Kobe watch…yeah right.

- Josh Smith dropped 18 points, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, 5 steals and 4 blocks. When his contract runs out, and he bolts to a contender, we’ll always have the memories.

- USC is struggling to remain mediocre. Notre Dame is terrible. In a related note, birds are singing more, the sun seems to be brighter, and all in all life is on an upswing.

- Don Shula…shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

- The Senators are off to the best start in NHL history. Remember the NHL? With the ice, and the sticks…

Darren McFadden dropped 321 on Spurrier last weekend, running through, around, and over the South Carolina defense. Add on the passing touchdown, and we can only pray that he doesn’t end up on the Patriots. “Didn’t Goodall take away their first rounder for Spygate?” you may be thinking. Yes, he did. But, the Terminators have San Francisco’s first rounder, which is looking to be a high one.

Oh, and about Armageddon?

"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb."

- Spaceballs (1987)

Mid-Range Jumpers

The leaves are a-changing, the weather’s starting to dip…but since I’m back in Atlanta, which means the local highs are only the mid 70s. It also means basketball season is right around the corner, and before we get to my preseason look at the Association, I get to welcome everyone back to the weekly (whatever) look at the sports world, where we celebrate the lost art of the Mid Range Jumper.

- Atlanta has been ‘rewarded’ with a WNBA team. Great, we can’t fill Turner Field, the Falcons stink, the Thrashers got their coach fired in 6 games, the Hawks are wearing blue, and our answer is to drop a JV team into the city. Just great.

- Marion Jones admitted to using performance enhancing drugs, and as commanded me by the sports gods, I shall deem her evil. Pure evil.

- Everyone has heard of Rocktober, and the amazing run that Colorado has been on. Why has no one brought up the fact that as they continued the run, the lead story EVERY NIGHT on the Worldwide Leader was about Joe Torre?

- Craig Hormann….Craig Hormann…Craig Hormann….Craig Hormann….

- Word from the shield is that they could one day play a Super Bowl overseas, in London. I could one day sprout wings and fly out of my office. Neither is very likely.

- Homecoming when I was playing was just another game, another Saturday, though it was nice to see some old teammates after the game. Homecoming as an alum is the greatest, most
perfect couple of days ever invented. It is Christmas, Hanukkah and my birthday all rolled into one, and I am counting the hours until next year.

- I wonder if Tatum Bell hangs out with his kids based on what he is wearing so that he can match them, like you would match shoes and a belt.

- Why did Belichik think he could get away with filming the Jets using a camera from 1977? Don’t they make tiny, spy type joints now?

- The SEC has been so nuts this year, UGA might be able to beat Florida next weekend. Maybe.

- USF? Really? Good riddance.

No one cares about Fantasy Football, especially when they aren’t in the discussed league, but I feel like ranting, so I’m going to: B, I feel so bad that you fell for the ruse. You cruised out to a big 6-0 start, made a decent trade, and got mad cocky on the message board. Going so far as to re-name your team Bill Belichik? Got a little ahead of yourself. Barring a serious injury to Peyton tonight, you’re finna take a big, streak ending L. Unlike the man you named your team after, you drank the Kool-Aid, and now you’re done.

If you achieve success, you will get applause, and if you get applause, you will hear it. My advice to you concerning applause is this; enjoy it but never quite believe it.

- Robert Montgomery