Great Sports Weekend

Wow. Just wow. What a great all around sports weekend. Excluding my picks, of course. But, that's to be expected by now. Let's take it from the top:

Friday

- Auburn hires Jeff Chizik as it's new head football coach. You might remember Mr. Chizik from his role as defensive coordinator at Auburn in 2004, and co-defensive coordinator at Texas in 2005. Still not ringing any bells? Well, you definitely remember him as the man who recently went 5-19 in two seasons as head coach at Iowa State. Forget the fact that Tommy Tuberville averaged 8.5 wins a season over 10 years at Auburn. Forget the fact that Chizik was a favorite to get fired this off season by the Cyclones. Forget the fact that they didn't even INTERVIEW Mike Leach, who works in the same conference as Chizik, but was world's more successful. Forget that this might be the first time someone got a better job on the heels of a 10 game losing streak. The main point we should take from this is that Auburn is going to be very bad, for a very long time. Excellent.

- The Yankees signed Blue Jays free agent AJ Burnett for probably too much money, in another SHOCKING move. While I don't care about baseball that much, I can only assume that they paid him too much. What are the odds of that being wrong?

Saturday

- Boom. BOOM. Who else wants some? Come to the A with a record winning streak? We will END that for you, no problem. LeBron James goes for 33 points, 6 boards, and 8 assists? No problem; we GOT that. We only get 13 points out of our bench? We only play 8 players? No problem; we GOT that. I'm gonna say it again...come to the A with a record winning streak, and we will END that for you. I see you Boston. No problem.

- I have never been happier about being wrong, and let's face it, I'm wrong alot. But man oh man, sometimes futility pays off, and when it does it is SWEET. Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, and Tim Tebow (and Graham Harrell) all had great years, and Tebow ended up collecting the most first place votes. In a show of defiance that I would normally decry, the entire southwest voting bloc decided not only to vote the three Big 12 quarterbacks ahead of him, but to LEAVE HIM OFF THE BALLOT. How about a slow clap for collusion?

Sunday

- Mo Cheeks gets canned as head coach. What the hell is going on? Doesn't it feel like every NBA team has fired their coach already? Some of these teams had expectations a bit too high (Philly, Toronto, Washington), and some of them were bad, and everyone knew it (Seattle, Minnesota). The bottom line is that most of these guys deserved a longer rope than BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! Good grief, I hope the Association isn't turning into the NHL.

Ahem. So, now for the good news Sunday.

*Monday Edit*
The Kings fired Reggie Theus. That's one fifth of the leagues coaches fired before 30 games are played. ONE FIFTH. I guess Phil Jackson, Jerry Sloan and Greg Popvitch ought to start packing their bags now, huh? (For the record, the Kings fall in the 'bad and everyone knew it' camp.)

- All I can do is break down every game played in a few lines, and that should explain why Sunday was so much fun for me.

Green Bay @ Jacksonville
Bet you miss Favre NOW, don't you Ted Thompson.

Detroit @ Indy
No matter what, they find a way to keep the streak alive. I mean, Indy squeaks this one out, and Detroit WILL NOT win a game. What a weird year.

Washington @ Cincy
Coach Zorn, Mr. Snyder will be right with you after he takes this call from Bill Cowher.

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
9 wins? REALLY?

San Fran @ Miami
Apparently, Chad Pennington is a winner. Who knew.

Buffalo @ Jets
You can't let J.P. Losman beat you like that, Bills. You just can't.

Tennessee @ Houston
Kick the freaking field goal Jeff!

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore
Finding a way to win.

Denver @ Carolina
Broncos remain determined NOT to win the division.

Seattle @ St. Louis
In the name of decency and good will, all film of this 'game' has been destroyed. You're welcome.

Minnesota @ Arizona
Tavaris Jackson...really? Really? REALLY?

New England @ Oakland
Jamarcus Russell is ass. There. I said it.

San Diego @ Kansas City
Build on THAT Herm Edwards.

Giants @ Dallas
Hey, Romo. Win a game that matters.

Cleveland @ Philly
Yuck. Not a fun game to watch.

Mid-Range Jumpers

That's right kids, we're back. America's favorite long-running, rarely updated, OLASB post format is back, and with a vengeance.


Is this Atlanta professional sports renaissance for real? Why won't the Colts go away? Did the NHL season really start? How much did Al Davis offer me to coach the Raiders? How bad do the Braves want Jake Peavy? When will the first Mike Singletary Coors Light commercial air? What did I go as this year for Halloween?

All this and more in the latest edition of the truly lost art of the Mid-Range Jumper!

• Ok. The A.I. trade. I think it makes sense for both teams, as the Pistons get one of the 50 greatest of all time for a year, and gives them cap room come 2009-2010. Plus, they have someone who can create their own shot, which could open things up for a more drive and kick game, saving Rip and Rasheed's legs through the season, since they won't be running around as much. Denver gets a proven facilitator who won't attack Melo's confidence by being the clearly more clutch player...and Melo can grow back his cornrows without feeling like he's copying his smaller, older, better brother.
• That much basketball analysis wore me out.
• Baseball is still boring as sin. There, that's better.
• BCS Title game looks like Big 12 Champ versus SEC Champ...at least both these leagues have title games. Unlike the Big 10.
• Speaking of leagues full of fake football, if Oregon State wins out, they go to the Rose Bowl, while USC goes to some lesser bowl. Let's go Beavers!
• David Ortiz admitted on the radio that even he knew that Manny had to go, that he was actively trying to get out of Boston. In other news, Mr. Ortiz also spoke out about the sky being blue, and water being wet.
• Somewhere, Scott Boras is reading about the $45 million the Dodgers are offering, and cackling evilly into the night.
• I have loved watching the Hawks thus far, and might have to get sucked into what looks like something special. Still, I feel like I'm going back to an obviously abusive relationship.
  
• The Chicago game was something special. Not just because Horford went for 27-17-6, but because it confirmed that Vinny Del Negro is an NBA head coach. VINNY DEL FREAKING NEGRO!!! (I took way too much time trying to figure out where to put the freaking. I think I made the right decision)
• Millicent Olawale...Millicent Olawale....Millicent Olawale...Millicent Olawale...
• The Bears are counting on Kyle Orton to bounce back from injury for the rest of their season. I'll let THAT sink in.
• Hockey is happening. I think. It has to, it's this time of year, right?
• Dwight Howard had his first career triple-double last night...30 points, 19 rebounds, 10 BLOCKS. Wow.
• CP3 opened the season with 6 straight 20-10 games...are we in a new golden age of basketball? Signs are pointing to yes.
• The Braves claimed they weren't going to morgatge their future to get Peavy, but now that it looks like they might get him, EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!
• Should I start Tyler Thigpin or Big Ben this week in my fantasy league? Why is this even a debate? What a weird year.
• Greg Oden has already missed 2 weeks of games. Chances he finishes the rest of the season healthy? Slim and none.
  
• Tony Romo is coming back to save the Cowboys season. Once he makes his guaranteed blunder of the week, and sinks the team, who will save them next?

Finally, I was wrong about Matt Ryan. I admit it. He is putting together one of the greatest seasons we've ever seen from a rookie quarterback. 11 tds versus only 5 ints? Who saw this coming? Really?

Political junkies like me will love this...a great article contributed to by Columbia Grad Nick Summers.

Oh, and to answer the questions that came before the bullets: yes (I hope), alligator blood, I think, more than Lane Kiffen is making on his paper route, not bad enough, the Super Bowl, and Santa Claus.

Thursday Night Pick: Jets (+3.5) over Pats

Chris Os-Great

I know there have been a million and a half puff pieces written about Chris Osgood, but I had to say one thing: There are only two positions in team sports where a W or an L is next to an individuals name: pitcher in baseball, and goalie in the NHL. Peyton Manning has never picked up a W and Flip Saunders has never taken an L (no matter how many each deserve of their respective letters), but Chris Osgood earned enough Ws to close out the Pens. Hats off to ya Osgood.

One More Chance

Okay NHL, here we go. Your dream match-up. The one that could actually save hockey. The franchise with the biggest United States following, one of the original six, versus The Franchise, Sid the Kid, featured on every piece of promotional material the League puts out. Is it safe to say that if this doesn't work nothing will? I know I'll be watching the Stanley Cup Finals, no matter what!

I mean, if I can find it. And if there isn't an NBA game on. Or anything good on ESPN Classic. Oh, but the NFL Network has been playing the best of the past season, so if nothing is good there, then I'll be watching the Cup, no matter what.

Prediction (Like anyone cares): Wings in 6.

Mid-Range Jumpers

How dare O.J. Simpson, with all these people watching him, and still mad he got away the first time, put himself in the situation of being involved involving something ELSE illegal. Let me guess, he was looking for the real robbers.

- Ricky Williams has been reinstated by the NFL. It’s almost too easy to make jokes at this point. I think I had an aneurysm thinking about the possibilities.

- REX GROSSMAN IS NEVER THE ANSWER

- What the hell was Columbia doing on ESPN Tuesday night? Shouldn’t the alumni be informed when something like this happens? On that note…

- Joe Jones…Joe Jones…Joe Jones…Joe Jones…

- Anyone in the market for an impossible to please, shoot-first point guard who is due 42 million dollars over the next two years? Anyone? Isaiah, put your hand down, you’re trying to get rid of him.

- Happy trails Dwight Freeney, you will be missed.

- A-Rod watch continues…when he ends up with the Yankees again, boy will that be an awkward press conference.

- Shaun Alexander, the car taking you out of Seattle is waiting out front.

- Joe Johnson is allegedly asking for veteran help in Atlanta. Um, Joe, you left STEVE

NASH two years ago!!!

- Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford…

- The Celtics are still really good. Really. Really. Good.

- If Eli’s last name was ‘Jones’, would we be waiting for him to make the leap to superstardom? Have you seen anything to suggest he’s just that good? I haven't.

- Can the Raiders afford not to play JaMarcus Russell at this point?

- If Tennessee loses in the next two weeks, we could be headed for LSU-UGA in the SEC title game. If UGA were to knock off LSU, then we could head to a big BCS bowl, and should be pre-season #1. BTW, this may be the most acronyms used in only 3 sentences ever.

- Wake me when the NHL playoffs start, I can’t find Versus on Comcast.

Extra details of the Starbury situation: apparently, he and Isaiah threw hands on the plane, an altercation which ended with Steph threatening to drop dime on Zeke for stuff that would somehow FURTHER damage his reputation. Then, last night, Starbury apparently flew to LA to play off the bench against the Clippers. I love that in all the sports negativity, the Knicks have cornered the market in embarrassing in-house news. Someone needs to step up before they get complacent…Portland, we’re looking at you.

Mid-Range Jumpers

A week into the NBA season, and I’m already getting sucked into what promises to be a terrible cycle of disappointment regarding the 2007-2008 Atlanta Hawks. Watching them beat the Mavs in the opener, and give away the game at the end in Detroit, I can’t help but see a whole lot of promise in this young team. Our major shortcoming so far has to do with Tyron Lue handling the majority of the PG responsibilities. He’s competent on the offensive end, but a serious defensive liability, as he was abused late in Rock City for two easy field goals. As Acie Law IV matures on the team, he will be taking more and more responsibility on the team. Why do I set myself up for such a fall every year with every Atlanta sports team? Ugh.

- Adrian Peterson rushed for 296 on Sunday, cementing his place in NFL history in his first season. He’s in the record books as the all time single game rusher in his eighth NFL game ever, supported by no passing game, on 30 carries. There’s nothing funny about this at all. It’s just amazing.

- Celtics are what we thought they were. Very. Very. Good.

- Greg Maddux collected his record 17th Gold Glove…and if he doesn’t go to the Hall as a Brave, I may kill someone. Same goes for you Mr. Glavine.

- Either LSU or Oregon will beat the pants off of a very so-so Ohio State come National Title time.

- Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno…

- Brian Billick or Ray Lewis: Baltimore front office: who ya wit?

- ARod/Kobe watch…yeah right.

- Josh Smith dropped 18 points, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, 5 steals and 4 blocks. When his contract runs out, and he bolts to a contender, we’ll always have the memories.

- USC is struggling to remain mediocre. Notre Dame is terrible. In a related note, birds are singing more, the sun seems to be brighter, and all in all life is on an upswing.

- Don Shula…shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

- The Senators are off to the best start in NHL history. Remember the NHL? With the ice, and the sticks…

Darren McFadden dropped 321 on Spurrier last weekend, running through, around, and over the South Carolina defense. Add on the passing touchdown, and we can only pray that he doesn’t end up on the Patriots. “Didn’t Goodall take away their first rounder for Spygate?” you may be thinking. Yes, he did. But, the Terminators have San Francisco’s first rounder, which is looking to be a high one.

Oh, and about Armageddon?

"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb."

- Spaceballs (1987)

Mid-Range Jumpers

The leaves are a-changing, the weather’s starting to dip…but since I’m back in Atlanta, which means the local highs are only the mid 70s. It also means basketball season is right around the corner, and before we get to my preseason look at the Association, I get to welcome everyone back to the weekly (whatever) look at the sports world, where we celebrate the lost art of the Mid Range Jumper.

- Atlanta has been ‘rewarded’ with a WNBA team. Great, we can’t fill Turner Field, the Falcons stink, the Thrashers got their coach fired in 6 games, the Hawks are wearing blue, and our answer is to drop a JV team into the city. Just great.

- Marion Jones admitted to using performance enhancing drugs, and as commanded me by the sports gods, I shall deem her evil. Pure evil.

- Everyone has heard of Rocktober, and the amazing run that Colorado has been on. Why has no one brought up the fact that as they continued the run, the lead story EVERY NIGHT on the Worldwide Leader was about Joe Torre?

- Craig Hormann….Craig Hormann…Craig Hormann….Craig Hormann….

- Word from the shield is that they could one day play a Super Bowl overseas, in London. I could one day sprout wings and fly out of my office. Neither is very likely.

- Homecoming when I was playing was just another game, another Saturday, though it was nice to see some old teammates after the game. Homecoming as an alum is the greatest, most
perfect couple of days ever invented. It is Christmas, Hanukkah and my birthday all rolled into one, and I am counting the hours until next year.

- I wonder if Tatum Bell hangs out with his kids based on what he is wearing so that he can match them, like you would match shoes and a belt.

- Why did Belichik think he could get away with filming the Jets using a camera from 1977? Don’t they make tiny, spy type joints now?

- The SEC has been so nuts this year, UGA might be able to beat Florida next weekend. Maybe.

- USF? Really? Good riddance.

No one cares about Fantasy Football, especially when they aren’t in the discussed league, but I feel like ranting, so I’m going to: B, I feel so bad that you fell for the ruse. You cruised out to a big 6-0 start, made a decent trade, and got mad cocky on the message board. Going so far as to re-name your team Bill Belichik? Got a little ahead of yourself. Barring a serious injury to Peyton tonight, you’re finna take a big, streak ending L. Unlike the man you named your team after, you drank the Kool-Aid, and now you’re done.

If you achieve success, you will get applause, and if you get applause, you will hear it. My advice to you concerning applause is this; enjoy it but never quite believe it.

- Robert Montgomery