Oct 3, 2007

Week 5 Picks


I feel like Norv Turner. Everything is falling apart around me, there seems to be no way to stop the slide, and all the blame falls directly on my shoulders. I’ve just got to remember that we’re only in week 5, that things really can’t get worse, and I’ve got to block out the fans chanting Marty at home games. I don’t even want to pick this week, but the show must go on. Even if the ‘show’ is a glorified snuff film of any hopes of credibility I had speaking about football.

Home teams still in bold.

Arizona (-3) over Rams

I don’t know what to tell you. Stephen Jackson’s still out, and they just announced that Bulger will not be playing this Sunday. In his stead, Gus Frerotte. Like fellow former Broncos quarterback Brian Griese, Frerotte is never the answer. The question does not matter.

New England Terminators (-16.5) over Cleveland

I picked against them in Buffalo 2 weeks ago, because I thought there was no way that a team would allow Moss to pick them apart after his first two games. I forgot that when he is motivated and has an actual quarterback, there is no one in the world who can keep him out of the end zone.

Carolina (+3) over The Ain’ts

Are the Saints favored just because they’re at home, or because David Carr will be starting for the Panthers in his silly white gloves? I have negative faith in the Panthers, but after watching the Saints lose their heart and soul when Duece went down, I gotta take the points.

New Jersey A (-3.5) over New Jersey B

Mayhem in the Meadowlands! Since there is a fake idea of who is home, how weird is it going to be for the Jets to dress in the visitor’s locker room? I’ll be it will almost be as weird as Pennington getting booed at home and on the road at the same time.

Pittsburgh (-6) over Seattle

I gotta believe that the loss last week was the product of the knowledge that Russ Grimm and Ken Whisenhunt had about the team. I also got to believe that the NFC West is awful. Just awful.

Detroit (+3.5) over Washington

Neither one of these teams have knocked my socks off, as the most inspiring thing about the Skins has been their defense, and the most inspiring thing about the Lions has been their offense, but neither have run into a monster counterpart. I think this’ll be a good, close game. Or a blowout. The lesson as always is, I have no idea what I’m doing.

Houston (-5.5) over Miami

The Dolphins are a legitimate threat to go 0-17, after getting embarrassed at home by the Ray-Duhrrs. (P.S. – This is my picked week for Green to go down with the concussion, and while I wish injury on no one, if he breaks the pocket, and DeMeco Ryans is on the field, I’m a mortal lock to win.)

Atlanta (+8) over Tennessee

What kind of grown man goes by Joey? I think I have more confidence in a man going by Joe. Don’t you? Regarding my pick, aside from my notes a few weeks ago about Vince-era win margins, look at Mr. Harrington’s numbers for the past two weeks versus the first two:

Weeks 1-2: 35-52, 399 yds, 0 tds, 2 ints
Weeks 3-4: 54-73, 584 yds, 4 tds, 0 ints

All I’m saying, is Weeks 1 and 2, we saw Joey, and the last two weeks, we’ve seen Joe. Here’s hoping Joe shows up Sunday.

Kansas City (+2) over Jacksonville

I honestly have no idea about these teams. Normally, I love teams coming off of bye weeks, but I have to give the nod to the Chiefs for the greatest fantasy pick-up of all time for me, Mr. Dwayne Bowe!

Indy (-10) over Tampa

Week 3, I said that if a team loses their left tackle, and then plays on the road and I still pick them to cover, shoot me in the head. That goes for double if they lose their running back too.

Denver (+1) over San Diego

Anytime your best player is crying in the press conference after a Week 4 loss, the season is over. Although it will be interesting to see the chess match that is Mike Shanahan versus Norv Turner.

Baltimore (-3) over San Fran

Wait a minute. Trent Dilfer is a favorite in a football game in 2007? Really? Wow.

Green Bay (-3) over Chicago

In Lambeau, at night, on national television. I’m actually concerned that John Madden could have a heart attack; I just hope he makes it through the halftime ceremony where Chris Berman officially proposes to Favre. I may mute this entire game. Or even watch baseball. It’s that bad.

Dallas (-10) over Buffalo

Who booked this game? At what point was this a legitimate good idea to put on Monday Night? Where is the compelling match-up in this game? Isn’t this why they got a flexible schedule for these games? And when are the ‘Boys going to play a good team? Hello, New England Terminators, Week 6.
21-21-4

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great stuff.

Are you a prophet?

The Dolphins are a legitimate threat to go 0-17, after getting embarrassed at home by the Ray-Duhrrs. (P.S. – This is my picked week for Green to go down with the concussion, and while I wish injury on no one, if he breaks the pocket, and DeMeco Ryans is on the field, I’m a mortal lock to win.)

DNasty said...

"It's hard to imagine any team in recent memory more talented, more balanced, more experienced, and better coached than the 2007 New England Patriots. If any team defeats them now, it will be considered an upset." ~Jeremy Shap, Outside the Lines Nightly

DPalm66 said...

Not a prophet...but potentially the most evil power wielding man in the universe.

Nez, leave me alone, I already re-named them the New England Terminators, what else do you want? You get to keep winning at least until week 9, and you get to watch the BoSox and Celts as odds on favorites to win their respective titles. If the NHL still existed, and the Bruins were any good, I would blow up Boston so ya'll would leave me alone.