Week 10 Picks

In case you didn’t know, Adam “Pacman” Jones’ suspension by the Shield has been upheld until the end of his current team’s season. Which, at this point, looks to include the playoffs, unless that cover jinx strikes again…Reaction has been varied throughout the country, with club owners bracing themselves for the coming cold months, where Jones will undoubtedly make his presence known, and wrestling promoters breathing a sigh of relief, as they hope to goad him back into the ring to damage his reputation even more.

Interesting match-ups this week, but no easy picks, since New England has a bye week. I suspect they will be using it to decide how best to implement SkyNet, and infect all technology, ending in Judgment Day. The end times are here. Embrace our new cybernetic masters. Home teams in bold.

Pittsburgh (-9.5) over Cleveland

Did you know Derek Anderson was almost cut during training camp? How improbable of a season is he having? You watch Tyrone Willingham’s golden boy come to your team, you barely make the squad, the guy ahead of you gets benched and traded, and you become the hero of an expansion franchise. What?

Washington (-3) over Philly

Philly is better on the road, because the crowd is supposed to boo, and it doesn’t seem as weird. I thought the Skins would be hungrier against the Jets, but they still got the win. All I’m going to say about Andy Reid is that I don’t know anything about his family, or his house. I do know that at this age, his boys are MEN and responsible for their own actions.

Atlanta (+4) over Carolina

Why can’t this game get blacked out too?

New Orleans (-11.5) over St. Louis

Does everyone believe in this Saints resurgence? I want to, I really want to, but there’s no confidence here. I’m waiting for this NO team to turn on me, and go back into the toilet, but I don’t think they turn this week.

Buffalo (-3) over Miami

This line could not be high enough.

Kansas City (-3) over Denver

Ugh. Denver can’t stop anyone from running, but Kansas City lost their running back. The question becomes, how much do I trust Preist Holmes at home? I trust him more than three points, I guess.

Titans (-4) over J’Ville

Did thee loss of Pacman inspire this team to their 6-2 start? Nah. But, it hasn’t been VY’s passing that has gotten them so good so fast, and the improved play of LenDale White isn’t it either. This defense, led by veteran Keith Bullock has just been beastly, and Jacksonville presents no problem they can’t solve. Go Titans.

Green Bay (-6) over Minnesota

I really think that Adrian Peterson and his back up band are going to cover this week, but I can’t in good faith take the Vikes when they dock wide receiever Troy Williamson a game check for missing Sunday’s game to attend the funeral of his grandmother, who pretty much raised him his whole life. He had to organize the funeral, set up travel arrangements for siblings and family, and consequently missed the romp over San Diego. About the fine (which the NFLPA is going to rightfully appeal), Williamson said, “I don't care if they would have [taken] my pay for the rest of the year, I was going home.” Good for him, bad for the Vikings, because the football gods tend to punish heartless organizations.

Cincy (+4) over Old Browns

Chris Henry plays his first game after his suspension by the Shield. Odds are, this is also going to be his last game before the next suspension.

Dallas (-1.5) over New Jersey A

Should be the best game of the day; the Giants pass rush has been impressive, but their secondary is still suspect. Tony Romo, armed with his new contract, should tear this team apart. And I still have no faith in Eli.

Detroit (-1) over Arizona

Wait a minute. A 6-2 team is visiting a 3-5 team, and only giving up one point? Wow. I love that everyone has adopted the Lions as a good football team, and keeps thinking that the Cardinals are about to turn the whole history of the franchise around. Oh, and you know that one bad team that sneaks into the playoffs every year, and gets blown out in the wild card weekend? Let’s just say I can’t WAIT to bet against the Lions. If gambling were legal. Or something.

Chicago (-3.5) over Oakland

I have no legitimate reason for picking this way, except for the fact that Teenage Coach Lane Kiffen has decided to announce that they will kick to Devin Hester. Hmm…he’s their only scoring threat, so you decide to put the ball in his hands. Kids these days.

Indy (-3.5) over San Deigo

Cue another postgame LDT breakdown after getting embarrassed by a far superior team on Sunday night in front of a national audience. I can’t wait to hear the Marty chants long into the night.

Seattle (-10) over San Fran

Ew. Yuck. Yawn. I hope there’s a good NBA game on Monday night.

Mid-Range Jumpers

A week into the NBA season, and I’m already getting sucked into what promises to be a terrible cycle of disappointment regarding the 2007-2008 Atlanta Hawks. Watching them beat the Mavs in the opener, and give away the game at the end in Detroit, I can’t help but see a whole lot of promise in this young team. Our major shortcoming so far has to do with Tyron Lue handling the majority of the PG responsibilities. He’s competent on the offensive end, but a serious defensive liability, as he was abused late in Rock City for two easy field goals. As Acie Law IV matures on the team, he will be taking more and more responsibility on the team. Why do I set myself up for such a fall every year with every Atlanta sports team? Ugh.

- Adrian Peterson rushed for 296 on Sunday, cementing his place in NFL history in his first season. He’s in the record books as the all time single game rusher in his eighth NFL game ever, supported by no passing game, on 30 carries. There’s nothing funny about this at all. It’s just amazing.

- Celtics are what we thought they were. Very. Very. Good.

- Greg Maddux collected his record 17th Gold Glove…and if he doesn’t go to the Hall as a Brave, I may kill someone. Same goes for you Mr. Glavine.

- Either LSU or Oregon will beat the pants off of a very so-so Ohio State come National Title time.

- Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno… Knowshon Moreno…

- Brian Billick or Ray Lewis: Baltimore front office: who ya wit?

- ARod/Kobe watch…yeah right.

- Josh Smith dropped 18 points, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, 5 steals and 4 blocks. When his contract runs out, and he bolts to a contender, we’ll always have the memories.

- USC is struggling to remain mediocre. Notre Dame is terrible. In a related note, birds are singing more, the sun seems to be brighter, and all in all life is on an upswing.

- Don Shula…shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

- The Senators are off to the best start in NHL history. Remember the NHL? With the ice, and the sticks…

Darren McFadden dropped 321 on Spurrier last weekend, running through, around, and over the South Carolina defense. Add on the passing touchdown, and we can only pray that he doesn’t end up on the Patriots. “Didn’t Goodall take away their first rounder for Spygate?” you may be thinking. Yes, he did. But, the Terminators have San Francisco’s first rounder, which is looking to be a high one.

Oh, and about Armageddon?

"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb."

- Spaceballs (1987)

The Big Three

“Not so fast, my friend.”
- Lee Corso, every fall Saturday I can remember in my life

Bet you’re wondering why I lead an NBA story with a quote from the most annoying man in college football. Well, since this summer started, we have been inundated with stories of how the Boston Celtics had bounced back from their cursed 2006-2007 season. Don’t believe there was a curse? Franchise patriarch Red Auerbach died just days before the season tipped off, just after the Celtics announced that for the first time in history, they would have cheerleaders (dancers, whatever gyrating females are called in the NBA) at home games. I’m not saying that’s why they were bad (Doc Rivers) I’m just saying it’s suspicious.

All summer, stories have run about the resurgence in ESPN the Mag, Sports Illustrated, Slam, Home and Garden, you name it. And throughout all these publications, someone has green-lit (haha) the use of the phrase “The Big Three.” Now, those of us who know anything about basketball know that The Big Three were Bird, McHale and Parrish, the nucleus of the 80’s Boston Celtics that collected 2 titles in three years. So far, this three of Pierce, Garnett, and Allen have looked good: Allen leads the team in scoring at 25 ppg, with Pierce chipping in 20. Garnett is doing his part, leading the team in rebounds, assists, blocks, and steals. But, there is a serious road block in the way of anointing them the “New Big Three”:

They’ve played two games.

I’ve heard two other, more appropriate names, and want to break down the two.

Perfect GPA: I like the message it sends to the kids, emphasizing scholastic excellence.
Instilling good values and morals in children…that’s what the NBA does, because the NBA Cares. But, I think it detracts from the REAL message here: that nothing matters more than the show, and people all over the country will sell out arenas to see them play…bringing me to my favorite of the nicknames.

The PGA Tour: It’s got everything: the obvious money draw, the promise of entertainment, the basketball tradition of updating something old into something new (Run-TMC, etc.). plus, they can even refer to road trips as golfing events: a tough West coast run through the three Texas teams might be the Masters, while a trip including, I don’t know, Milwaukee, Minnesota, and Portland would be akin to the Chrysler Open. Or something.

The PGA Tour: IT’S FANNNNNNNNTASTIC!!!

Week 9 Picks

Another week, another picks column. Some downright intriguing match-ups this week, with Jacksonville visiting the surging Saints, Dallas going to Philly, and Green Bay playing on a short week in one of the toughest stadiums in the League. Still, it feels like I’m forgetting something.

Oh yeah.




COLTS!

PATS!

Who ya wit???

Gonna save that pick for last. Home teams still in bold, kiddies.

Washington (-3.5) over New Jersey Snitches

After that embarrassing loss to the Terminators last week, the Redskins need someone to take it out on. And who else to punish than the team and coach who got the Terminators mad in the first place. Blow OUT.

Green Bay (+2.5) over Kansas City

Oh, I don’t feel good about that. But, this kind of feels like one of those seasons where Favre wins about 5 extra games he shouldn’t for no real reason, right? Has he used all those games yet? Did Monday night count as 2?

Tampa Bay (-3.5) over Arizona

Everyone is saying that the Cardinals are going to turn it around down the stretch, but that makes no sense to me. Is it the overpowering (3.8 ypc) running game? Is it the 1-3 road record? What? What am I missing?

Tennesee (-4) over Carolina

Old man Vinny is going to be involved again this week. G’night Vinny.

Atlanta (-3) over San Francisco

Actual text message between me and my friend Chip Gold:

Me: You aren’t going to believe this, the Falcons are actually favored this week.

Chip: That’s impossible; we already had our bye week.

New Orleans (-3.5) over J’Ville

Damn you Drew Brees for sabatoging my fantasy season. Sure, I’m doing okay without you, but I’d be doing a sight better if I hadn’t jettisoned you for ten cents on the dollar when you were stinking up my roster.

Detroit (-3) over Denver

Everyone (even the Packers) can run on Denver. Kevin Jones is a pretty good running back. Hmmmmmmmmmm….Oh, and just so you don’t think you’re dreaming, after this week, there could be a 6-2 team and a 7-1 team in the NFC North, and neither one would be the Chicago Bears.

Buffalo (-2) over Cincy

Why when people talk about great quarterbacks in the NFL today, the lists always goes: Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Carson Palmer. What the hell? He hasn’t even sniffed the second round of the playoffs in his career, and the other two have rings. Am I taking crazy pills?

San Diego (-7) over Minnesota

Maybe the Chargers aren’t as bad as I originally thought. Maybe Brad Childress had a stroke, since that is the only reason that he wouldn’t give Peterson the ball more times per game.

Cleveland (-1) over Seattle

The Browns might actually be good. And this Seahawks team is awful. Any other division, they’d be playing for draft picks. In the NFC West, they’re leading by 2 games. Remarkable.

Oakland (-3) over Houston

I have no idea. Just feels right.

Dallas (-3) over Philly

Really want to believe that McNabb is back in fighting shape, but I just can’t. Not even in Philly. Not even at night. Sorry.

Pittsburgh (-9) over Baltimore
Divisional game, two allegedly good teams. And this spread should be much bigger.

Okay, as far as the Main Event goes, I’ll say this: The Colts have been running better than the Pats all year, and their defense has looked great from the get go. The return of Richard Seymour might have an effect, but both o-lines have been lights out so far. Marvin Harrison is questionable, and last week showed that the Pats defense is not so much old, as experienced, and ready to take every other team out of their game plan. It’s amazing that the undefeated, defending Super Bowl champs are getting 5.5 points at home. It’s even more amazing that I’m picking against them.

New England (-5.5) over Indianapolis

Colts. Terminated.

Guess Who's Back...

*Ringing phone*
(“Crank Dat Soulja Boy”, if you’re curious)

DP: Hello?

Annoying Friend: You realize that it’s like 2 days into the season, and you’ve had nothing to say about the NBA yet?

DP: What do you care, you said all my opinions are shit?

AF: They are, its just that how can I mock you down the line, if you don’t make your predictions that will undoubtedly be wrong?

Idiot that I am, I realized that he’s right; not only that everything I say will be wrong, but that I needed to bite the bullet and do this. Real life has gotten hectic, and each of the last two nights, I have thought that I would go to bed early, winding down by watching some of my first love, the Association, in action.

I had forgotten how worked up I tend to get.

Sure enough, I stayed up for the late game, both nights, and realized something already about this very young season. For everything that has remained the same (the Spurs are the best, Melo is a beast, Agent Zero hits buzzer beaters, Mavs look good…for now, the rest of the Cavs are still spectators), just as many things have changed. Some for the better (AI: 25 pts, 14 dimes, Rashad Lewis in the East, Jerry Sloan using AK-47), some for the worse (LBJ: 10 pts, 0 in the 1st half, Kobe booed at home, injury riddled Kings line-up) and some just befuddling (No more ‘The LeBrons’ commercials? C’mon Nike!).

Before getting to 2007-2008 season predictions, here are some logical, well thought out predictions that explain my rankings:

- If the Nuggets stay healthy, look for them to make some real noise at the top of the West. The added rebounding and defense of K-Mart along with the returning Defensive POY (Camby) gives the most dynamic scoring tandem in the Association a solid front line.

- Mark Cuban was right all along. Not so much a prediction as a fact, still fun to see in print.

- Kobe is going no where. Between what teams would have to sacrifice to get him, and his no-trade clause, where ever he would end up, would be turned into the Lakers East (there’s no way Buss would let him stay in the West).

- Penny Hardaway made the team in Miami. They will back into the playoffs, if at all.

- The LEast/West gap will shrink, since the East got better all over, and the West just got more top-heavy, with more bad teams cropping up.

- The Cavs will be nowhere near the Finals, since they upgraded nothing around Mr. James.

- Boston won’t make the Finals; through no fault of the Big Three, but because Doc Rivers still has to pilot this ship.

- The decline of the Mavs starts…NOW.

- Jim O’Brien will trick the Pacers into drinking the Kool-Aid, O’Neal will stay, and they will contend in the Central.

- The Hawks will be good. (Hey, they can’t all be right... )

Confernce by Conference Breakdown
Rankings based on total wins, not eventual playoff seeding.

LEastern Conference (until they prove otherwise)
15. Philly
14. Milwaukee
13. Charlotte
12. New York
11. Atlanta
10. Toronto
9. Miami
8. Indy
7. Cleveland
6. Orlando
5. Washington
4. Detroit
3. Boston
2. New Jersey
1. Chicago

Western Conference
15. Minnesota
14. Sacramento
13. Portland
12. Seattle
11. Clippers
10. Memphis
9. Golden State
8. Lakers
7. NO
6. Houston
5. Utah
4. Dallas
3. Phoenix
2. Denver
1. San Antonio

Conference Finals

Chicago over Boston

San Antonio over Denver

Finals

San Antonio over Chicago…or whoever else gets in their way.

(Duh)

Go Ahead and Crown Them!

Before I get to my NBA preview, NFL picks, and whatever else I want to do, I felt the need to post something I wrote about the Spurs during last year's finals in contrast to "King" James. I've been desperatly trying to find a reason to pick against them this year, but stumbling across this reminds me why they won last year. And why they are going to win again this year...

I haven’t written a single word about these ‘Finals’ since everyone went ahead and re-crowned Mr. James last week. In watching the final four games of the Leastern Conference Finals, I felt myself tempted to fall into the teeming masses, to sip the champagne and gold Kool-Aid the LeBrons were serving, wondering if Kal-El would stick as a nickname. Then, I remembered who they were to be playing in a little under a week’s time…and promptly dropped my cup. I sat back and watched the talking heads debate, and argue what chance this poor team actually had against the Spurs, the cream of the playoffs this year. I was wrong about the Pistons being the better team, as they fell apart at the seams, and sat back and watched while LeBron ascended into the sphere of NBA transcendent talent. I was wrong about Mr. James’ ability to dominate not only a game, but also a series. 25 straight points to end game 4? 29 of the last 30 of his team’s points? Really? No hard fouls? Couldn’t you at least get in his way? I was right, however, about the weakness of the Least, and the talent gap between the two conferences. I was right about LeBron still needing to understand when and where to take over a game (Games 1 and 2 of the Finals) and when to let the others carry the load (Game 6 of the Conference Finals). But most easily, I was right about the San Antonio Spurs. No matter who they’re playing, they remain unfazed, undeniable, and, most importantly, themselves. The Spurs just keep being the Spurs.

2-0 doesn’t begin to describe how one-sided this series has been thus far. LeBron has proven that the Conference Finals cannot truly define a player, something most of us knew, but had forgotten. The Finals are where legends are born, not the Semi-Finals. We are all again Witnesses, but not to the arrival of the boy that would be King, but more for the coronation of the dynasty that is the Spurs. Since Tim Duncan’s arrival, this franchise has been a consistent presence deep into the playoffs, year after year. Who else can you say that about in recent memory? Exactly. And the scariest part is, in the first two games, he hasn’t been his team’s most outstanding player. Sure, he continuously posts spectacularly solid stat lines, (last night: 23 pts, 9 rebs, 8 asts), but the single most impressive player through the first two games has been the little Frenchman that could, Tony Longoria. While I applaud the gratuitous shots of his future housewife, I’ve got to celebrate his on-court performance even more. At one point last night, he caught a pass, with a wide open top of the key jumper available to him. Instead of taking the easy shot, he chose to drive the traffic-filled lane, and drop in a running floater, which danced around the rim, eventually falling. Smart basketball play? Hell no. But, given the hot hand he’s shown thus far, who can really blame him?

Now, all you Cleveland fans, I want you to repeat after me, slowly. Ready?

The – Spurs – are – not – the – Pistons.

Let that sink in. Seriously, get a glass of water, take a deep breath, say a little prayer. Just let it get all the way to your core, so that any visions of the run ya’ll put up against Detroit can be quietly put to bed before Robert Horry and co. force you back to Earth. Flip Saunders is not on the opposing bench, Rasheed Wallace is not patrolling the lane, and Chauncy Billups is not running point. You’re facing down an all-world coach in Greg Popovich, a legitimate candidate for Greatest Of All Time (GOAT) at his position in Tim Duncan, and a point guard who is lightning out of a bottle, Tony Parker. Well, what should Cleveland fans do now? Exactly what your team appears to be doing so far; be happy to be there. Bottle your hopes of a win, or even an overly competitive series, and enjoy the ride. Be glad you’re in the Finals, and hope that no one gets hurt too badly. Shake off the memories of Miami’s miracle 3 in a row at home from last year, Tim Duncan is most certainly not Dirk Nowitzki, and Big Z is no Shaq. Denny Green told us months ago that, “If you want to crown ‘em, crown ‘em.” He meant the Bears, but I’m crowning the Spurs, and maybe doing something I never thought I would: I’m not making any predictions (because we’ve all seen how that turns out), but if things continue as they are, we might be seeing our first French Finals MVP.

I will now Phil Leotardo myself under a car.

Halloween Reflections

Halloween is the holiday that best exemplifies the old saying about wine, 'it gets better with age'. Unlike most holidays, where as you get older, you are exposed to more and more of the work that goes along with it, Halloween changes for the better as you age.

As a child, it means dressing up all scary and getting candy. Great but short, the candy lasts for days.

As a teen, it means a night full of mischief, smashing pumpkins, scaring little kids. Not that I would ever partake in such activities. Ahem.

As an adult, it means dressing funny, while females use it as an excuse to dress slutty with no repurcussions. Add in the social lubricant of alcohol, it makes the perfect holiday.

Oh and as far as Mike Vick goes?

I guess it's still funny...