Q Richardson...SHHHHHHHH

Okay, I've been flipping between the Knicks-Celtics game and the Packers-Cowboys, and I just caught the final score of the NBA game, since the Pack had forced their way back into the game. You may recall Quentin Richardson openly questioning if the Celtics were as good as their record earlier this week.

Final score: Kincks 59, Celtics 104

Hence the title of this post. Wow.

And now for the end of the Packers comeback, and the beginning of Nuggets-Lakers. I love Thursdays.

NCAA Thanksgiving, BCS nonsense, plus PICKS!!!

Big post today, been working on something on the side that will be a big joy to the NBA heads out there. Pretty much me and Olson, but it will still be a fun read. RIP Sean Taylor.

God I love Thanksgiving. Great food, some family time, the Falcons looked like a real football team for a quarter. All and all, not a bad four days. I was, however, discouraged by listening to the talking heads spew on and on about how the SEC is down, and teams like Kansas and Missouri have risen to the top of the college football world. Amused by this assertion, I celebrated Georgia’s win and Kentucky’s loss (I’ll explain that later) and I sat back and watched the Big 12 North’s best slug it out. The end result?

I’m still waiting for the first hit.

Somewhere, the competitiveness of this game proved to someone that the SEC is overrated, that there are other elite conferences besides it and that whoever won this game is better than whatever comes out of the SEC. This is not that place, and I am not that person. All day, there were no hits that made you wince, no running backs going down the midline of safeties (McFadden, Tebow, Hester), there was no dominant defensive presence (Dorsey, Joiner, Johnson), there were no super-athletic playmakers (Harvin, Doucet, Bailey), and only pale imitations of strong armed game altering quarterbacks (Tebow AGAIN, Woodson, Stafford). People are pointing to the triple overtime loss to a team that lost the first three SEC games as to a reason why LSU is no longer the best team in the nation. How about mentioning the fact that they play in the most physical place in football and haven't been full strength in months? How about mentioning the fact that the only conferences with any depth this year (and I cannot believe I’m typing this) are the SEC and the Pac-10? No, these things don’t matter. At least we might get UGA vs. USC in the Rose Bowl. Or as I call it, Mr. Olson, a perfect storm. I just can’t wait to watch the tremendously talented Sooners destroy this upstart Tigers team for the second time this year.

Oh, and as for why I didn’t want Georgia to play in the SEC title game? Well, they’re going to get a BCS at-large bid as it is, and if they win that, they are a mortal lock to be a top 5 team preseason next year, and no matter how much they shouldn’t, preseason rankings matter. Don’t think this is really the best thing for the Dawgs? Call me Saturday, after they medivac Tenessee out of the Georgia Dome after running into the machine that is an angry, super-talented LSU squad.

On to the picks, home teams in bold.

Green Bay (+7) over Dallas
Houston (+4) over Titans
J’Ville (+7) over Indy
KC (+5.5) over SD
Atl (pick) over STL
Snitches(+1) over Miami
Min (-3.5) over Det
Philly (-3) over Seattle
Wash (-5.5) over Buffalo
San Fran (+3) over Carolina
Cleveland (pick) over Arizona
Denver (-3.5) over Oakland
Giants (-2) over Chicago
Tampa (+3) over Nawlins
Pitt (-7) over Cincy
Terminators (-20) over Ravens

Turkey Quick Picks

Today, Tom Brady announced that the Patriots are out to kill poeple, beat them into submission. In other news, the sky is still blue, and gravity still plays a pivitol role in everyday life. Everyone reading this, travel safe, and have a great, fun Thanksgiving.

Unless you're Canadian. In which case, your Thanksgiving was a month or so ago. And no one cares.

Home teams in bold.

Packers (-3) over Lions

Do you believe in magic? Bret Favre does, and after Thursday, the Lions will. This game could be close, but the Detroit secondary has been picked on by quarterbacks who don't have the dark magics on their side.

Falcons (+12) over Indy

Blow out...if everyone on the Colts sideline was healthy. Unfortunatly, Marvin most likely won't play, Clark isn't 100%, and Freeney is done for the year. Hopefully, the Leftwich experiment is over.

The Boys (-14) over New Jersey Snitches

The Jets aren't gonna sneak up on anyone after unseating the Steelers last week, and as long as Dallas can keep from looking ahead to the match-up with the Packers in a week, they should roll. So, the bottom line is, there is one watchable game and two snoozers on Turkey day. After a meal of turkey, dressing, yams, my mom's macaroni and cheese, and sweet potato pie, sounds about right.

Week 11 Picks

Well, I was wrong about a lot of things, which comes as no surprise to anyone that knows me. I was wrong that the Saints weren’t going to turn on me last week. I was wrong that the porous run defense of the Broncos would lead to a win in Kansas City. I was wrong that the Browns aren’t that good yet. I was wrong that Arizona is dead in the water. I was right that the Monday Night Game was terrible, and I was right to get NBA season pass so I could watch Denver vs. Cleveland. Home teams still in bold.

Minnesota (-5) over Oakland

No Adrian Peterson, no Josh McCown, no problem in this game. In the Metrodome, Dante will be inspired to show his improvement to the team that gave up on him. Too bad he has nothing around him to help show anything. That’s right: Tavaris Jackson over Dante Culpepper.

Miami (+10) over Philly

Still not sure about the McNabb resurgence, but I do know that Miami tried to play hard last week. Their defense is old, and the Phins always play badly in cold weather, but they gotta cover. Ricky Williams is back!

San Diego (+2.5) over Jacksonville

David Garrard is coming back…and it still won’t matter. San Diego is (sadly) in the driver’s seat of a bad division, and it isn’t because of all the offensive weapons: the emergence of the defense has been startling. Whenever the next package comes in for Merriman (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), the front seven might keep up with the awakened secondary.

New Browns (-3) over Really Old Browns

Picking on old people is never nice, but when they bring it on themselves so often by running off at the mouth, sometimes you’ve got to pick up their walker, kick out a hip, and bludgeon the elderly into a coma. This is one of those times. Quick question: Ozzie Newsome has been regarded as the top exec in the game, but he let this defense get old SO FAST, without bringing in any pieces to replace them.

Nawlins (-1) over Houston

The wheels are off the Saints again, but I think they’ve got enough to beat the Texans. What? You really want more insight into the Saints and the Texans? Too bad.

Atlanta (+3) over Tampa

Two straight wins, two straight covers. Root, root, root for the home team…What a deluge of awful games this week.

Arizona (+3) over Cincy

Just another terrible game. I still can’t believe how thoroughly the Cardinals blasted the Lions last week, but this Cincy team had to settle for a record 7 field goals against the OLD Baltimore defense. I think this D is better than the Ravens.

NYG (+3) over Detroit

Two 6-2 teams that are going to the playoffs. But, one of these teams are good, one is not so good. Here’s a hint: the better team is favored.

Green Bay (-9.5) over Carolina

This makes no sense what so ever. Wasn’t it two years ago we were claiming that Favre was done, that the Aaron Rogers era needed to start in cheese land? And now I'm scared to pick against them? What the hell has happened? Ugh.

Kansas City (+14.5) over Indy

Tony Dungy will not lose 3 in a row. Even if Freeney is out for the season. Even if Clark isn’t playing. Even if Harrison isn’t playing. Uh oh. At least they’re in the dome?

Pittsburgh (-9.5) over New Jersey Snitches

The football gods hate snitches.

St. Louis (-3) over San Fran

The Niners are terrible, worse than I ever thought possible. St. Louis finally won a game, and might have remembered how to win. We’ll see. That Niners game was the worst thing I have ever seen in NFL football.

Seattle (-6) over Chicago

See my second bullet point from this week’s jumpers.

Washington (+10.5) over Dallas

Dallas is the class of the NFC, except for the magical Packers from Green Bay. Washington is struggling to stay relevant in the playoff picture, and if they lost and Philly wins, we could see a late McNabb push to the playoffs. Just kidding, but this defense is good enough to keep it close.

Terminators (-16) over Buffalo

Wait a minute, no Lynch? J.P. Losman? Buffalo. Terminated.

Tennessee (+2) over Denver

Remember when Denver had a great home field advantage? I mean, before this season started? What a great defense in Tennessee, routinely crushing people will continue...despite Vince Young.

George Carlin's Rules for 2007

Found this digging through my inbox from the turn of the New Year. Funny then, still funny now.


New Rule 1: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule 2: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule 3: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule 4: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule 5: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule 6: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket... water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That should be your flavored water.

New Rule 7: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule 8: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule 9: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, "No, I don't want cash back", and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule 10: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule 11: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule 12: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule 13: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule 14: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule 15: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint, as if I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule 16: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months?" "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. I was attempting to be nice.

Mid-Range Jumpers

How dare O.J. Simpson, with all these people watching him, and still mad he got away the first time, put himself in the situation of being involved involving something ELSE illegal. Let me guess, he was looking for the real robbers.

- Ricky Williams has been reinstated by the NFL. It’s almost too easy to make jokes at this point. I think I had an aneurysm thinking about the possibilities.

- REX GROSSMAN IS NEVER THE ANSWER

- What the hell was Columbia doing on ESPN Tuesday night? Shouldn’t the alumni be informed when something like this happens? On that note…

- Joe Jones…Joe Jones…Joe Jones…Joe Jones…

- Anyone in the market for an impossible to please, shoot-first point guard who is due 42 million dollars over the next two years? Anyone? Isaiah, put your hand down, you’re trying to get rid of him.

- Happy trails Dwight Freeney, you will be missed.

- A-Rod watch continues…when he ends up with the Yankees again, boy will that be an awkward press conference.

- Shaun Alexander, the car taking you out of Seattle is waiting out front.

- Joe Johnson is allegedly asking for veteran help in Atlanta. Um, Joe, you left STEVE

NASH two years ago!!!

- Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford… Al Horford…

- The Celtics are still really good. Really. Really. Good.

- If Eli’s last name was ‘Jones’, would we be waiting for him to make the leap to superstardom? Have you seen anything to suggest he’s just that good? I haven't.

- Can the Raiders afford not to play JaMarcus Russell at this point?

- If Tennessee loses in the next two weeks, we could be headed for LSU-UGA in the SEC title game. If UGA were to knock off LSU, then we could head to a big BCS bowl, and should be pre-season #1. BTW, this may be the most acronyms used in only 3 sentences ever.

- Wake me when the NHL playoffs start, I can’t find Versus on Comcast.

Extra details of the Starbury situation: apparently, he and Isaiah threw hands on the plane, an altercation which ended with Steph threatening to drop dime on Zeke for stuff that would somehow FURTHER damage his reputation. Then, last night, Starbury apparently flew to LA to play off the bench against the Clippers. I love that in all the sports negativity, the Knicks have cornered the market in embarrassing in-house news. Someone needs to step up before they get complacent…Portland, we’re looking at you.

Rap As A Mathematical Expression

Like Rap? Like Graphs? Love This.

http://www.jamphat.com/rap/