Round 1 Playoff Recap

Atlanta vs. Arizona

It was way better than we could have ever dreamed. That's what I kept telling myself regarding the Falcons season, even as I watched Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald, and Edge James (!) end our magical run that produced the NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year, NFL Coach of the Year, a legion of new Falcons fans, and a legitimate resurrection after the combined assassination attempt by Michael Vick and Bobby Petrino.

Demitroff, Smith, and co. had every reason to fail this year...and they overcame it all. They even made a certain blogger eat certain words...and enjoy it. Congrats to the Carolina Panthers, who are going to blow the doors off of the Cards next week.

Indy vs. San Diego

Well shit. Another week of Phillip Rivers. Another week of Lil' Darren Sproles. Another week of Norv looking absolutely lost on the sidelines. On the plus side, another week of Darth Vader/LDT jokes, another week of an 8-8 team in the playoffs, and no more worrying about if we were headed for the "2 Mannings. 1 Trophy" Super Bowl, complete with approximently 23,743 interviews with Archie "I never won nothing" Manning.

I knew this game would be close since these two always seem to play each other well, and you could tell that even Peyton knew he'd never get the ball after losing the toss. I hate Rivers, but he managed that overtime exceptionally well, and once they got that phantom defensive holding call, it was all over.

Baltimore vs. Miami

Blowout central. What can I say about Miami that hasn't been said about Afgahestan? They looked bombed out and depleated. My favorite part of the game were the postgame comments by the Ravens. Ones like this one:

"I don't think it's Chad Pennington's fault...It's probably Ed Reed and Rex Ryan's fault."
- Terrell Suggs

Or this one:

"It's kind of expected at this point. It doesn't impress us. It's kind of like, 'Oh, Ed got a pick.' It's kind of like Ray [Lewis] makes a tackle, or a head coach saying we have practice tomorrow. It's kind of expected."
- Trevor Price

And the weirdest part is how right they are. I was listening to this game on the radio for whatever reason, and as soon as I heard Ed Reed get that pick, I muttered under my breath, "House." Hey, maybe I'm psychic!

Philly vs. Minnesota

Tevaris "The Axe Murderer" Jackson strikes again, dooming his own team by agreeing to be the started. All respect to Wanderlei Silva, but you may have to give up the nickname. No one, and I mean NO ONE, puts an axe to his own team like young Mr. Jackson. Sure, you've got a great run defense, a stifling pass rush, and the best running back in the NFL. But, between Jackson and Brad "I was outcoached by Andy Reid?" Childress, it's like the greatest tag team ever. Only the opposite.

Becoming Resolute

These will be my New Year's Resolutions. Feel free to hold me to one, or any of these, at any time. Please note that throwing such things in my face will leave you susceptible to being struck about the head and face at a very high speed. You've been warned.

• Hate 20% less player, 20% more game
• Keep up with Daniel In Real Life
  
• Attend at least 5 Braves games this summer
• Be as honest with everyone around me as I try to be with myself
  
• Get Matt a kickass graduation present
• Not go back to Vegas this year
• Volunteer
  
• Continue my drive to take back the glorious Chuck Taylor All*Stars back from stupid hipsters
• Work on plans to leave Atlanta...for the time being
• Go on a much needed relaxing vacation (see Vegas resolution)
  
• Re-learn to trust
• Spend more time with family
  
• Be more of a narcissist
  
• In accordance with the resolution that preceded this one...continue being freaking awesome
• Read more
• Write WAY more...finish book 1 by 2010
• Convince Nez to post on the blog as an author

Well, that's about it. Have fun navigating amateur hour all night, and I'll be back Friday with a complete NFL Playoff Forecast. Go out and knock down some shots.



I'm witty.

21-10?

Pretty good so far...but the bullseye remains on the Celtics. 12/17/08. Never forgive. Never forget.

YES I CAN!!!

Recreate this without killing myself. Maybe. We'll find out in about 6 months. Stay tuned!

Nez.

So, I try to do a lot of things on this blog. Mostly get sports stuff off my chest, and be funny about it. I was bored at home and going through some old posts, and realized that I fail in both those endeavors more often than I'd like to admit. Reading these posts made me realize that not only is what I write not that informative, but that I'm not even the funniest contributor to this blog.

Enter Daniel Neczypor.

Even his name is funny-looking. I mean, a "czyp" combo? Why not throw in a "q" for good measure? Anyway, here are some of the highlights of having funny friends comment on what you write.

On the Rockies using Josh Beckett's ex-girlfriend to sing the National Anthem:

Though moderately funny, I must say that is a severe hit below the belt. Next season when Jon Lester gets the start are they going to have Large Cell Lymphoma Appreciation Day?

It's cool though, the Sox already hired Bill Belichick to steal Cleveland's signs for tonight's game anyways.

On my hatred of "Title Town USA":

Digging my car out of a snow bank is clearly easier than having to say "Go Hawks/Falcons" every weekend.

But I mean the Thrashers are sweet, right?

On a discussion about college football:

A couple points:

First, Pete Carroll is the Rick Petino of NCAAFB. he has great head of hair, is reasonably handsome, flamed out while coaching a Boston sports program, and wins on strength of talent, not strength of strategy - i.e. give Reggie Bush the rock and let him run dive plays. I'll leave it at that before I start to get worked up about how lucky the Patriots are to be rid of him and turned themselves into the most dominant sports franchise in the history of sport.

Next, don't sell yourself so short Palmer. The South has a lot more to offer than the 3 you mentioned - for example: relaxed assault rifle laws, the concept of secession, lack of general dentistry, the blues, and mosquitoes the size of kitty hawks. I think I just made Mark Richt's recruiting pitch for next season.

On my appreciation for Bob "The General" Knight:

Ok, listen. Coach Knight integrity winning character moral fiber blah blah blah.

Can't somebody please just step up to the plate and admit that Bobby Knight is a huge dickhead?

On my Mid-Season report on the NBA:

The "death valley" of sports between the Super Bowl and the NCAA tournament has given me some time to reflect on things.

I've realized that there are some things and life that are more important than the Patriots. Namely, the Celtics.

HA! PUT THAT IN YOUR CIGAR AND SMOKE IT ATLANTA!

Being from Massachusetts is so awesome it's almost difficult.

On someone ELSE on my blog reminding him the Pats lost the Super Bowl:

You are clearly outclassed, out informed, and outdated. While you had an amazing observation that the Patriots got beat in the Super Bowl, you bring little else to the table...

...I heard there are some division 3 teams looking for analysts, go ahead and forward your resume.

Not only were the 72 dolphins a product of another era of sports history, I can only assume that you are the product of our own: the type when wide out's run 4.3's, linebackers can close the gaps on 4-backs that run 5-10-5's in 3 flat, and linemen that have a vertical of 38+.

Jonathan, not only are you ignorant, you are outdated. I'm sure your old-man made his high school hall-of-fame passing 450+ yards, but in today's reality, 450 is a freshman year statistic.

Buy a clue, and attend a NE prep school, where kids with nuts that drop beyond their ovaries compete.

Neczypor Over and Out.

Later that day:

Yeah I was hammered when I wrote that. Sorry Jonathan I'm sure you're an alright guy.

On the Olympic basketball roster:

Scalabrine didn't make the cut so I'm going to pull for Iran.

On the Olympics in general, and my assertion that baseball is a silent movie villan:

I figured it's been too long since I posted on here, so I compiled a list:
The Best Things About The Olympics You Haven't Noticed:

1) The truly blue chip announcing during women's handball.

2) The fact that NBC is playing along with China's "17 year-old" female gymnasts.

3) USA basketball vs. Angola. Kind of like having Conan the Barbarian fight Woody Allen.

4) Did I mention how air-tight the color guy was during women's handball?

5) The cheerleader/cowgirl hybrids lining the track during the opening ceremonies.

6) George W. Bush mispronouncing the president of Russia's name while interviewing with Bob Costas.

7) Come to think of it, all of GWB's interview with Bob Costas.

8) Powerlifting being scheduled to perfectly coincide with Sunday Brunch.

9)The combined shock and awe advertising campaigns by Nike, Gatorade and Under Armour.

10) The Chinese "Weather Alteration Bureau" taking full credit for favorable weather on 8/8/08.

On a completely unrelated topic, baseball isn't a sinister silent movie villain, I picture baseball as the uncle who gets too drunk on Thanksgiving and passes out on the couch, inevitably over staying his welcome, but you can't really get too mad at him because you won't see him again for a long time.

An email regarding his attack on another commenter on the blog:

Haha that kid had it coming... I GOTTA DEFEND THE COMMONWEALTH!

I love my friends. I really do. Merry Christmas, and may Santa bring friends as funny into your life.



God Bless.

NBA Trimester Report

Most NBA teams have played 21 games, and you know what that means? Pointless predictions by yours truly. Annnnnnnnnnd we're off!

East MVP of 1st Trimester: We'll start with an easy one, as there should be no debate that the award rests in the Forest City...Mr. LeBron James. I could go on and on about how he has led this team to the second best record in the East. I could point to his stats, even though he isn't playing as many minutes per game as usual, because he's been able to sit fourth quarters. I could even just play some game tape to show how he has evolved into a terrific on the ball defender. But, all I'll point at is the fact that his impending free agency TWO SUMMERS FROM NOW remains not only a hot topic in basketball circles, but gains heat as the legend grows.

West MVP of 1st Trimester: Our first marking period has seen Kobe greatly influence his teams defense, Chris Paul cemented himself in the NBA record book a couple of times, Brandon Roy announced his arrival, but the most outstanding, valuable player over the 1st Trimester is Mr. Fundamental Tim Duncan. I think that he's been so good, for so long that we forget just how great what he does is. Playing most of the 1st Trimester without Ginobli and Parker-Longoria, he hoisted the Spurs to 17-10, and still in the thick of things in the murderous Western Conference.

Coach of the 1st Trimester: Mike Brown. I can see you shaking your head from here. "But Daniel, how can someone you compared to a coat rack in the Cavs-Spurs series evolve into a Coach of the Year candidate?" Look, I hear you, and just know that my runner up was Doc Rivers. See how weird this season has been? But, (channeling Hubie Brown here...) you can't ignore how well the Cavs have played this season so far. Offense, defense, the whole nine yards, they have been SO impressive. (And don't think I'm done calling for Mike Woodson's head. I need more than a Trimester to be convinced.)

Rookie of the 1st Trimester: Derrick Rose, come on down. OJ Mayo has looked really good early, but Derrick Rose gave me this.



Sixth Man of the 1st Trimester: Ginobli has been hurt, AK-47 has looked good early, but far and away the 6th man so far has been Jason "The Jet" Terry. He's looked great coming off the bench, his chemistry with Herr Dirk has never been better, and he seems to be responding to Coach Carslile that in a way that he never did with Avery - at least in recent memory.

Week 16 Pickage

Another week of games, another chance for me to be COMPLETELY WRONG. Home teams, as always, in bold.

Indy (-6) over Jacksonville

Yeah. Well. I know Indy barely beat Detroit, and the Jags looked decent last week, and Marvin Harrison isn't playing...I dunno. I just think Manning is going to continue to find a way to win. Now I feel dirty.

Baltimore (+4) over Dallas

This is more my heart than my brain, since the Falcons need Dallas to lose. But I will say this; I think this Baltimore offensive line is playing WAY better than the Giants one Ware and company victimized last week on Sunday night.

Cleveland (-2.5) over Cincy

Fitzpatrick! Dorsey! I thought the Seattle/St. Louis game was the worst match up of the year. I was mistaken.

Detroit (-7) over New Orleans

Don't get me wrong, Detroit loses this game. They won't win at all this year...but they have been feisty, and who on the Saints covers Calvin "Megatron" Johnson? Exactly.

Pittsburgh (+2) over Tennessee

Tennessee is beat up, they look to be taking their foot off the throttle, and the Steelers only have one speed. Knocking people over/out.

Miami (-4) over Kansas City

This line could not be high enough.

San Francisco (-5.5) over St. Louis

One of these interim coaches needs to be held on to after the season. It is not Scott Linnehan.

New England (-7.5) over Arizona

The 'nothing to play for' Cardinals coming east to play in what looks to be sloppy conditions in Foxboro. Hm.

San Diego (+3.5) over Tampa Bay

So, apparently the Chargers are REALLY going to try to force this showdown next week to see which 8-8 team will be representing the AFC West. Ugh.

Seattle (+5) over Jets

Wait, wait, wait. The Jets haven't come close to looking like a decent team on the West Coast all year, and they're GIVING 5 points to a kinda feisty Seahawks team, on the day of Mike Holmgren's last home game?

Houston (-7) over Oakland

Natural tease...that's all I'm sayin...

Buffalo (+6.5) over Denver

And the only thing standing in the way of my AFC West perfect storm is the Buffalo Bills? I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Philly (-5) over Washington

If Jim Zorn can stop looking over his shoulder for a knife wielding Dan Snyder, they might have a chance.

Atlanta (+3) over Minnesota

Memories of 1998. 10 years!

Carolina (-3) over Giants

How am I taking this many road teams? File that under obvious foreshadowing.

Chicago (-4) over Green Bay

One of these teams has something to play for. The other wishes they hadn't let Bret Favre go.