Mid-Range Jumpers

The Association, save me!

That would be melodramatic if it wasn't so true. Armed with only a surprisingly engaging US Open and a historic Wimbledon Final, I've been held sports-hostage by the ooooh soooo looong baseball season. While the Braves stumble to another .500 record (more on that later), I thought it was time to dust off America's favorite, rarely updated blog format, where we celebrate the lost art of the Mid-Range Jumper.

Lot's of stuff on the plate today, and surprise, surprise, it's heavy on the NBA, NFL and college football, but I'm trying to branch out. Bear with me.

• Let's start close to home re: free agency...so, we bring in Jamal Crawford, bring back Bibby, and are trying to keep Marvin. Does the front office not remember what happened when we tried the all-swing man team a few years back? Do they plan on talking Marvin into coming off the bench? Will he stand for it? Will the fan base? Wait, a basketball fan base in Atlanta? STAY TUNED!
• At least the Pistons didn't mortgage their future by locking up two mid-level guys for long, expensive contracts in a year where the cap went down for the second time in league history and right before the biggest drop ever next year. Wait, they did that? Oh, and I hope the Rip Hamilton period was good for the fans because he is G-O-N-E. Probably to Atlanta, so we can have more swing men.
• Chad Johnson (I refuse to acknowledge that ridiculous last name he's adopted) apparently wants to tweet on the sideline. When it's this easy, it almost isn't fun.
• AMAZING show put on by Roddick and Federer last weekend...if Tennis could routinely put on shows like that, they would do more than suck in all us hung over people on the occasional Sunday mornings.
• Dallas Mavericks are apparently convinced that this is the year 2001, and Jason Kidd deserves a 3 year deal. Mark Cuban is routinely touted for his intelligent business decisions, so I guess every other point guard on Earth will die of some unknown ball-handling disease in the next 3 years, and Kidd will survive it. Those Mavs are so savvy.
• Take that last bullet, change Dallas Mavericks to Orlando Magic, change Jason Kidd to Vince Carter, and change point guard to swing man. Wait, if that were to really happen, would the Hawks trot out Bibby, Horford, and Zaza?
• I don't want to hear a word about Andruw Jones hitting three home runs in his three first at bats this year. I just don't. After the vanishing act in LA last year, his career is forever tarnished.
• Rasheed Wallace to the Celtics would never have happened if Big Poppa Stern still wielded his power judiciously.
• Did you know the WNBA is still around? And that Atlanta has a team? And they are called the Dream? And that none of that is made up? (I haven't made a WNBA joke in months, and don't forget, they got NEXT!)
• Sports prediction: Tiger wins everything by 2012, forces white folks to quit golf and solidify hold on hockey...for now.
• If AI ends up in Memphis with OJ Mayo, then there will be a dearth of basketballs in the state of Tennessee...a dearth I say!
• Hey Lake-Show, way to follow up a title with downgrading defensively from Ariza to Ron-Ron...he is old.
• Speaking of the Rockets (I wasn't talking about them, but about a player who just left them...whatever), I feel legitimately bad for the entire front office for the way McGrady and Yao have turned out...but it's still really, really funny.
• Shaq and Penny. Shaq and Kobe. Shaq and Wade. Shaq and LeBron. One of these will not work. Three of these already happened.

If the WNBA was playing in my very own back yard, I would close the blinds. (I gotta be me!)

Liars.

If you go to ESPN's homepage, today's SportsNation poll is a loaded question: Would you want a player who has admitted to taking PEDs on your favorite team? The options were: yes, yes, but only if they produced, and no.

According to ESPN, after 35,000 votes, 49% said no.

Now look, I'm not saying that all 17,500 who said no were liars, but a safe bet is that about 17,000 were lying. If you were to tell residents of Missouri (53% no) that Pujhols is going to admit to using PEDs, they would demand that he be traded or released? Or, that if you told residents of Kansas City (see Mizzou numbers) that a PED-admitting Alex Rodriguez was coming to play for them, that they would fight against him joining their Royals.

Buncha freakin' holier-than-thou liars. Headed to watch my little brother graduate, get some food with the fam. Follow along http://twitter.com/dpalm66

Yeah, I plugged my twitter again. Sue me.

Seriously, try it. You'll get a black and red Atlanta Braves hat, a signed Wayne Gretzkey Kings Jersey, and my winnings from the Drinking Olymipics in Jamaica, 2005.

*YAWN*

When this story broke, I decided I wasn't going to waste any brain space or blog space on it. That it was beneath me for consideration, and that anything that I said would have either already been said by a talking head, or was going to be. But, Nez has been requesting that I write something about baseball. So here we go. I guess.

Manny Ramirez tested positive for steroids.

Wait, should I be upset? Should I be shocked? It's gotten to the point that I just assume that every player from 1990 until, let's say two years from now, used steroids to improve their on-field performance. And don't get me started on the use of uppers or 'greenies' by pitchers on game day. That went on from the invention of the damn things until they were banned (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) recently by the MLB.

I get to cheer for a team that hasn't had anyone (major) fall in the recent steroid reveals, but I wouldn't put it past anyone I've cheered for here. Whether it is a center fielder who dropped off significantly, and was begging to make a roster earlier this year, or a pitcher who annually won about 14 games winning 24 in 1996, or a third baseman who averaged 33 home runs a year peeling off 45 dingers in 1999, no one is innocent these days. I refuse to be shocked anymore, and I refuse to think too much about it either.

Hey Nez, do you think the fact that we are 6 weeks into the season, and the Artist formally known as Big Papi is batting .229, with .333 slugging is a giant smoking gun?

There, your freaking MLB post. I feel dirty.

My Apologies

I realize my diligence regarding this blog has been...lax as of late. I've been in a weird head space recently, doing a lot of reading and introspection, trying to better myself as a person, you know, growing up and stuff. And, I found, when dealing with the ultimate fixer upper (me), much of my brain is taken up and leaves no room for sports. However, now that I've stopped engaging in such futile activities as improving mysekf, I can now focus more on this here blog...so without further ado...


SPORTS!!!


And what a time to come back! April baby! Final Four! Opening Day! Wrestlemania (kidding. Kind of.)! NBA Playoff push!

What a great tourny we got this year! The first weekend made me look like a genius, while the subsequent one made me look...well, like myself! Just like every year, my bracket is shot, but we've been left with some VERY interesting match ups in this Final Four. Is it picks you want?

UNC over Nova
I heard so much nonsense heading into last weekend about how if Hansborough played well, UNC would beat Oklahoma and Blake Griffin that I was tempted to Phil Leotardo myself under a car. Does anyone who has been watching any basketball over the last year actually think that this kid is the engine of that team? Ty Lawson's bouncing back from a toe injury and playing as well as he has makes him a lock for the Lottery come draft time, while that OTHER guy's ceiling is in the late thirties. If he wanted big money, he should have come out last year.

UConn over Michigan State
I was wrong. Way wrong. I thought UConn losing a top-flight swing player would matter. I thought Thabeet was too nice to truly lead this squad. I thought everyone would notice (and care about) just how dirty the last 10 years have been in Storrs have been. I thought that Jim Calhoun's deal with the devil was up in 2009. Look, you live and you learn. Going in, I had a real good feeling that this was the most flawed number 1 seed. But I tell you what I know now: there is no way a team plays a championship game essentially at home. The world doesn't work that way. Plus, I like screwing with Nufer.

As far as Opening Day goes...well, here comes the dog days of summer. Which means to me is NFL Draft, NFL players being idiots in the offseason, NBA Finals in June, the ESPYS (kidding again), minicamps, training camps, and college football is that much closer.

Quickie NBA Finals preview: Cavs over Lakers in 6. Book it now.

We're back here at OLASB, and better than ever. Get ready to get the sports, get the insight, and get the funny on a much more regular basis.

Get on board.

Been Too Long

As I have been gently reminded by 'concerned' parties (Andrew "I love the fans" Folkner), the blog has been bereft of activity as of late. But have no fear, I've spent the last month watching NBA and NCAA basketball, preparing myself to dole out nuggets of knowledge to best prepare you for the undercard (March Madness) and the main event (NBA Playoffs) coming up. But, before we get into that, let's spend some time on some things that have grinded my gears over the last month:

Reporters Jumping the Gun: I get why it happens. In this 24 hour news cycle that has evolved, everyone wants to be the first to break a story. I get that. The ESPN news ticker even ascribes information based on who gets the story emailed in first. There are three specific examples that have caught my eye over the past month, a best case, bad case, and worst case.

Best case: The Cleveland Plains Dealer broke word that Joe Smith would be signing with the Cavaliers before negotiations were finished. While anyone who follows the Association could see that coming, the newspaper broke this report while the final paper work was being ironed out, and Smith's people were seriously considering a competing offer from the Lakers (which might tell you what they think about Bynum's chances to return this year, but that's a whole nother thing). Sure, the Cavs ended up signing Joe Smith, and the paper didn't have egg on it's face, but there are other ways for this to play.

Bad case: The Atlanta Journal Constitution (beacon of news that it is) reported earlier this year that Ken Griffey Jr. would be joining the Braves, and attempt to be an everyday outfielder for the squad. Less than 24 hours later, word came from Seattle people that Griffey was coming home. Did the paper cause Griffey to back out? Was this an overzealous writer (and editor(s)) trying to 'scoop' a big signing? What really gets me is that there was no accountability, no call for any one to explain this mess up, and I know what you're thinking: it's just one time with a player signing, what's the big deal?

Worst case: During the coverage of the tragedy off the Florida coast, where three men lost their lives, hundreds of news outlets were covering the search and rescue efforts. After nearly 40 hours, a man was found clinging to an overturned craft. Minutes later, a soon-to-be debunked report had the workers also finding another man nearby. Is this the same as being wrong on a signing? Hell no. But, it is symptomatic of the same problem, and the result was the same: no one being held to a journalistic standard. Bullshit.

The David Beckham Situation: Actually, the less said here, the better.

The NBA's Burgeoning Financial Woes: It's already been said by someone with a larger audience than me (Bill Simmons). Though, I was out to lunch with someone like 4 days before this column ran , and I made the same points. Thus proving that I am some sort of sports genius. Or that I have my eyes open. Whatever.

Spring Training/The World Baseball Classic: Wow, the Dutch beat the Dominican Republic in an event where I couldn't name the prize if you paid me. Is it bad that during the Venezuela (I think)/USA game Saturday night, I was sitting with my friends Dallas and Justin, and we had a 25 minute debate as to where these games were actually taking place? Our final verdict was a tie between The Twilight Zone, the 'Lost' island, and The Land of the Lost. Is it also bad that our subsequent hour long debate as to which is the best television series of the three was infinitely more entertaining than the game itself?

Tiger Woods' Comeback, ARod's Karma, Jay Cutler vs. The Broncos, T.O. Trapped in Buffalo: Oh, no wait. I love all of these. Seriously, if any one of those four were a reality show, nothing could stop me from watching. Nothing.

Ok, there it is. I'm done bitching. For now. Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog that will be posted in a more timely manner for all to see and enjoy.

Mid-Range Jumpers

Reports of my demise (Nez) have been greatly exaggerated. Sure, I haven't been posting as much, but I usually go into something of a funk after the Super Bowl, since there's no football anywhere near me except for the Pro Bowl, ESPN Classic, and beating Bowser's head in on Madden. It's just not the same. But, I can use this opportunity to bring back American's longest-running, rarely updated, OLASB post format...

Hope eveyone had a great Super Bowl. I had one because my best bet won...I mean, I was too scared of my own bad karma to actually listen to my self, but it's always nice to be right, ya know. Before we dive in, I'm going to touch on the two biggest sports stories as of late, with as little breath as possible:

Michael Phelps: Thank God he's white.
A-Rod: How is anyone surpised?

Ahem. Now, the search continues for the lost art of the Mid-Range Jumper!

• So, are we finally going to figure out how bad the Shaq trade was for Phoenix? It got rid of D'Antoni, it killed Nash's mojo, it moved Shaq into the number 1 scoring option, and NOW they have to move Amare because of the last week of rumors.
• Bye, bye Favre. Again.
• How has no one picked up Manny yet? All he does is get on base (like, literally 3/4 times at bat in the playoffs), hit bombs, and help you win games. So what? You've hit on a girl with more obvioys issues...though, I guess that wouldn't cost 25 million a year. It was a bad analogy.
• At least they finally are bringing H-O-R-S-E to the All-Star game. And renaming it G-E-I-C-O because of monetary considerations. Ugh.
• I hate it when my friends are right, but Uzo wrote a great piece on Bud Selig and steriods. Read it.
• Top 5 plays of a GREAT Super Bowl (after 3 re-watchings): 5. Larry Fitzgerald slant and run for TD2 4. Larry Fitzgerald catch (that was a drop) for TD1 3. Hines Ward early catch, and immediate dissapearance 2. San Antonio (how does everyone still get his name wrong!) Holmes game winner 1. 100 yard-INT return.
• Looks like we're getting 2 Bulldogs in round 1 of the NFL Draft...and GMs, if you take Beanie Wells over Knowshon, you're NUTS (glares at A.J. Smith)
• Actual text recieved while watching Cavs-Lakers Sunday: "Random NBA question probably only you can answer; on a tip in or putback, is the player rewarded a rebound as well as the points?" Yes, he is awarded both Jake. Thanks for recognizing my sports knowledge.
• Brook Lopez is freaking great. If Derrick Rose wasn't as trascendent as he is, he would have the ROY on lock. Oh, and these Rookies are going to blow out the Sophmores this weekend.
• National signing day bugs the life out of me and I don't know why...it is almost as annoying as knowing when pitchers and catchers start up.
• Did you know that these UNC seniors have NEVER lost at Duke? They can get the 4-year sweep tonight! Go Heels!
• I'll take the LeBron "They stole my triple double" performance in the Garden over Kobe's 61 every day of the week. Mostly because Kobe wiped Bernard King from the record books (yuck) and his teammates were about as effective as lawn furniture.
• Lil' Wayne was on Around the Horn yesterday. Hm.
• Breaking news: Michael Phelps redeems image. Yes he does.
• Big Poppa Stern has been Commish for 25 years now. Continue basking in his greatness.
• Underreported story of the year so far: Dwayne Wade's divorce, and the subsequent stories that have come out surrounding it.

I think I'm about done for now. Check back here tomorrow for...something, and I'll see ya'll Saturday for my annual NBA All-Star Saturay Night blog. Peace.

And The Hits Just Keep On Coming...

John Smoltz? JOHN SMOLTZ? On the BoSox? Is there no justice in this world?
All the best to one of the best ever.

*BITTER FAN EDIT* At least the Braves management is coming through this thing without looking inept or petty.

(wait for it)

(not quite yet)

(here it comes)

Or not.

(there it was!)

Great Sports Weekend

Wow. Just wow. What a great all around sports weekend. Excluding my picks, of course. But, that's to be expected by now. Let's take it from the top:

Friday

- Auburn hires Jeff Chizik as it's new head football coach. You might remember Mr. Chizik from his role as defensive coordinator at Auburn in 2004, and co-defensive coordinator at Texas in 2005. Still not ringing any bells? Well, you definitely remember him as the man who recently went 5-19 in two seasons as head coach at Iowa State. Forget the fact that Tommy Tuberville averaged 8.5 wins a season over 10 years at Auburn. Forget the fact that Chizik was a favorite to get fired this off season by the Cyclones. Forget the fact that they didn't even INTERVIEW Mike Leach, who works in the same conference as Chizik, but was world's more successful. Forget that this might be the first time someone got a better job on the heels of a 10 game losing streak. The main point we should take from this is that Auburn is going to be very bad, for a very long time. Excellent.

- The Yankees signed Blue Jays free agent AJ Burnett for probably too much money, in another SHOCKING move. While I don't care about baseball that much, I can only assume that they paid him too much. What are the odds of that being wrong?

Saturday

- Boom. BOOM. Who else wants some? Come to the A with a record winning streak? We will END that for you, no problem. LeBron James goes for 33 points, 6 boards, and 8 assists? No problem; we GOT that. We only get 13 points out of our bench? We only play 8 players? No problem; we GOT that. I'm gonna say it again...come to the A with a record winning streak, and we will END that for you. I see you Boston. No problem.

- I have never been happier about being wrong, and let's face it, I'm wrong alot. But man oh man, sometimes futility pays off, and when it does it is SWEET. Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, and Tim Tebow (and Graham Harrell) all had great years, and Tebow ended up collecting the most first place votes. In a show of defiance that I would normally decry, the entire southwest voting bloc decided not only to vote the three Big 12 quarterbacks ahead of him, but to LEAVE HIM OFF THE BALLOT. How about a slow clap for collusion?

Sunday

- Mo Cheeks gets canned as head coach. What the hell is going on? Doesn't it feel like every NBA team has fired their coach already? Some of these teams had expectations a bit too high (Philly, Toronto, Washington), and some of them were bad, and everyone knew it (Seattle, Minnesota). The bottom line is that most of these guys deserved a longer rope than BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! Good grief, I hope the Association isn't turning into the NHL.

Ahem. So, now for the good news Sunday.

*Monday Edit*
The Kings fired Reggie Theus. That's one fifth of the leagues coaches fired before 30 games are played. ONE FIFTH. I guess Phil Jackson, Jerry Sloan and Greg Popvitch ought to start packing their bags now, huh? (For the record, the Kings fall in the 'bad and everyone knew it' camp.)

- All I can do is break down every game played in a few lines, and that should explain why Sunday was so much fun for me.

Green Bay @ Jacksonville
Bet you miss Favre NOW, don't you Ted Thompson.

Detroit @ Indy
No matter what, they find a way to keep the streak alive. I mean, Indy squeaks this one out, and Detroit WILL NOT win a game. What a weird year.

Washington @ Cincy
Coach Zorn, Mr. Snyder will be right with you after he takes this call from Bill Cowher.

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
9 wins? REALLY?

San Fran @ Miami
Apparently, Chad Pennington is a winner. Who knew.

Buffalo @ Jets
You can't let J.P. Losman beat you like that, Bills. You just can't.

Tennessee @ Houston
Kick the freaking field goal Jeff!

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore
Finding a way to win.

Denver @ Carolina
Broncos remain determined NOT to win the division.

Seattle @ St. Louis
In the name of decency and good will, all film of this 'game' has been destroyed. You're welcome.

Minnesota @ Arizona
Tavaris Jackson...really? Really? REALLY?

New England @ Oakland
Jamarcus Russell is ass. There. I said it.

San Diego @ Kansas City
Build on THAT Herm Edwards.

Giants @ Dallas
Hey, Romo. Win a game that matters.

Cleveland @ Philly
Yuck. Not a fun game to watch.

Gears. Ground.

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that Tim Teebow is going to win Heisman number two this weekend, when we all know he's a fullback playing under center. While I disagree with Harrell not being invited (not as much as his coach, apparently), I understand that they invite however the voting shakes out. Which means the Midwest vote probably split between McCoy and Bradford, which means I'll be pissed Saturday.

The fact that I am eliminated (essentially) from my big fantasy football league.

The fact that Terry Porter as good as fired himself this week, by admitting that defense first isn't going to work, bringing in Jason Richardson, and working to alienate Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire by a. trading Nash's best friends on the team and b. taking shots away for Amare. Good times!

The fact that Alabama lost by 11 somehow. It's a 10 point spread in a championship game!

The fact that I was right about the ceiling for the Hawks.

The fact that I was wrong about Matt Ryan...oh no, wait. That pretty much kicks ass.

The fact that a Division I A football team is running the triple option in 2008...and it's working!

The fact that the Celtics are 21-2, and everyone is claiming that they may be the best team ever. Look, I get that they are hot early, but I'll be damned if it's okay to forget about the great seasons that Cleveland and Los Angeles are having so far. Not to mention that San Antonio is getting healthy, and the rest of the middle class in the Association looks feisty.

The fact that I can't seem to pick an NFL game to save my life at this point.

The fact that Tony and Jason keep drawing up plays in the playground, and not including me in any of them. (Courtesy of Terrell Owens)

The fact that the current rules DEMAND that an AFC West team has to make the playoffs...if things break the right way, we could see a 8-7 Broncos team and a 7-8 Chargers team playing in week 17 for the AFC West title.

The fact that the Williams Wall won't be suspended when they face the Falcons in two weeks.

The fact that the Players Union probably forced CC Sabathia into taking the Yankees offer over the Brewers. It's one thing to leave a few million dollars on the table, but there's no way they would let him leave 60 million dollars.

The fact that Juwan Howard is still playing in the NBA.

The fact that I can't watch college basketball until February, but even I know that the two best players (Curry and Hansbrough) are both not locks to be solid NBA players.

The fact that Dwight Howard is younger than me.

The fact that Jerry Jones STILL doesn't know when to shut the hell up.

The fact that we've seen the last of the Mad Dog. You earned your retirement, Greg Maddox. Thanks for the memories.

The fact that I haven't updated this thing in a hot minute.

These picks. Home team in bold.

Chicago (-3) over New Orleans
Green Bay (-1.5) over Jacksonville
Indy (-17.5) over Detroit
Washington (-7) over Cincy
Atlanta (-2.5) over Tampa
Miami (-6.5) over San Fran
Jets (-8.5) over Buffalo/Toronto
Tennessee (-3) over Houston
Pittsburgh (+2 5) over B'More
Carolina (-7.5) over Denver
St. Louis (+2.5) over Seattle
Arizona (-3) over Minnesota
New England (-7) over Oakland
San Diego (-5.5) over Kansas City
Giants (+2.5) over Dallas
Philly (-14) over Cleveland

Mid-Range Jumpers

That's right kids, we're back. America's favorite long-running, rarely updated, OLASB post format is back, and with a vengeance.


Is this Atlanta professional sports renaissance for real? Why won't the Colts go away? Did the NHL season really start? How much did Al Davis offer me to coach the Raiders? How bad do the Braves want Jake Peavy? When will the first Mike Singletary Coors Light commercial air? What did I go as this year for Halloween?

All this and more in the latest edition of the truly lost art of the Mid-Range Jumper!

• Ok. The A.I. trade. I think it makes sense for both teams, as the Pistons get one of the 50 greatest of all time for a year, and gives them cap room come 2009-2010. Plus, they have someone who can create their own shot, which could open things up for a more drive and kick game, saving Rip and Rasheed's legs through the season, since they won't be running around as much. Denver gets a proven facilitator who won't attack Melo's confidence by being the clearly more clutch player...and Melo can grow back his cornrows without feeling like he's copying his smaller, older, better brother.
• That much basketball analysis wore me out.
• Baseball is still boring as sin. There, that's better.
• BCS Title game looks like Big 12 Champ versus SEC Champ...at least both these leagues have title games. Unlike the Big 10.
• Speaking of leagues full of fake football, if Oregon State wins out, they go to the Rose Bowl, while USC goes to some lesser bowl. Let's go Beavers!
• David Ortiz admitted on the radio that even he knew that Manny had to go, that he was actively trying to get out of Boston. In other news, Mr. Ortiz also spoke out about the sky being blue, and water being wet.
• Somewhere, Scott Boras is reading about the $45 million the Dodgers are offering, and cackling evilly into the night.
• I have loved watching the Hawks thus far, and might have to get sucked into what looks like something special. Still, I feel like I'm going back to an obviously abusive relationship.
  
• The Chicago game was something special. Not just because Horford went for 27-17-6, but because it confirmed that Vinny Del Negro is an NBA head coach. VINNY DEL FREAKING NEGRO!!! (I took way too much time trying to figure out where to put the freaking. I think I made the right decision)
• Millicent Olawale...Millicent Olawale....Millicent Olawale...Millicent Olawale...
• The Bears are counting on Kyle Orton to bounce back from injury for the rest of their season. I'll let THAT sink in.
• Hockey is happening. I think. It has to, it's this time of year, right?
• Dwight Howard had his first career triple-double last night...30 points, 19 rebounds, 10 BLOCKS. Wow.
• CP3 opened the season with 6 straight 20-10 games...are we in a new golden age of basketball? Signs are pointing to yes.
• The Braves claimed they weren't going to morgatge their future to get Peavy, but now that it looks like they might get him, EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!
• Should I start Tyler Thigpin or Big Ben this week in my fantasy league? Why is this even a debate? What a weird year.
• Greg Oden has already missed 2 weeks of games. Chances he finishes the rest of the season healthy? Slim and none.
  
• Tony Romo is coming back to save the Cowboys season. Once he makes his guaranteed blunder of the week, and sinks the team, who will save them next?

Finally, I was wrong about Matt Ryan. I admit it. He is putting together one of the greatest seasons we've ever seen from a rookie quarterback. 11 tds versus only 5 ints? Who saw this coming? Really?

Political junkies like me will love this...a great article contributed to by Columbia Grad Nick Summers.

Oh, and to answer the questions that came before the bullets: yes (I hope), alligator blood, I think, more than Lane Kiffen is making on his paper route, not bad enough, the Super Bowl, and Santa Claus.

Thursday Night Pick: Jets (+3.5) over Pats

Catching Up on Sports

- Wow. I normally am a straight up football/basketball/UFC kinda guy, but that Sunday final between Nadal and Federer turned me into a tennis nut all day. I watched rain delays, for God's sake. Sure, it doesn't help that there was absolutely nothing else on, but I was also genuinely transfixed.

- Elton Brand. You know you wrong. At the same time, I can't REALLY hate on the man getting his money, but I wish he'd be honest about it. Donald Sterling couldn't meet because he was on vacation with his family, and that's why you left? C'mon.

- I love summer basketball. The summer leagues in Orlando and Vegas have been transfixing to say the least. The number 1 pick getting pulled because of an injury, the number 2 pick running the entire rest of the Orlando crowd off the court, the number 3 pick hit a half court shot at the buzzer, and the most talked about player is Brook Lopez? Really?

- Speaking of basketball, we're getting closer to watching the US Men own the world one more time. Yes we can!

- Roger Clemens should be dropping that defamation lawsuit any day now as more and more dirt gets pulled up. Is his lawyer working under the table for Brian McNamee?

- All you PGA Tour guys, enjoy the open field until Tiger gets back...it's kinda like throwing a party when someone's parents were out of town in high school: fun, loud, anything goes, but don't leave anything that will show a party happened. And when the parents get back, all you are left with are memories. And the occasional trophy.

- So...Madonna and ARod. Hm.

- Bret Favre, you know you wrong. And the Packers know they wrong too. Just a bunch of stupid acting people in this story. Sure, Favre is in the wrong for unretiring, but it's not like he hasn't waffled on his future before. That's like getting mad at the snake for biting you (see Saban, Nick, and soon Petrino, Bobby).

- Half way through the baseball season...only 1 million games left!

I Did Not See That Coming

Okay, so they wait 72 hours between games 1 and 2, both played in Boston, but I get game 3 two days after the Lakers played 8 minutes, and lost by 2? Well, here are some more knee-jerk reactions to the series (and sports in general) while I hit up Ace Hardware for some of those Clockwork Orange eyepieces so that I can catch every second of the game.

- They made Leon Powe look like '95 Shaq. Unacceptable.

- The Lakers did nothing resembling winning basketball Sunday night; I'm embarrassed to say I picked them. Just abysmal.

- Big ups to Ken Griffey Junior.

- Vinny Del Negro is an NBA head coach. I'll let that sink in.

- Cedric Benson got cut...Mack Brown's track record with running backs continues!

- Ray Allen will heretofore be referred to as Jesus Shuttlesworth. He's re-earned the right.

- Chipper Jones will finish with an .800 average, and at least 75 home runs. Just ask the Atlanta media, dey know...

- Paul Pierce faked it.

- Garnett...the paint...please...it's the only hope I have left. I am going to die of a bad-basketball-aneurysm if this man doesn't start taking people into the post and dominating them WITH POST MOVES. 18 foot jumpers and fadeaways ARE NOT post moves.

- Helluva 2013 HOF class we've got shaping up...Favre & Sapp & Strahan & McNair...with Ogden and Seau likely close behind. It'll be crowded in Canton that day.

- They say that the cynic knows the price of everything, and the cost of nothing...well, they're right. In a weekend where we saw a presumptive Triple Crown racehorse not finish the race because of unexplained reasons (mob involvement), the Lakers shoot 28 fewer free throws because of unexplained reasons (mob involvement) and Rick Reilly debut on the four letter because of unexplained reasons (c'mon...), certain questions about the integrity of sports have to be raised.

Why does everyone seem to ignore the OBVIOUS implications of a 38-1 horse winning the race, when the only reason horse racing exists is for gambling?

How can an NBA team shoot so few free throws, play so badly, and STILL lose by 2?

Why do I cancel an SI subscription, only to be reintroduced to Reilly on ESPN.com?

Obviously life isn't fair, and someone is out to get me.

CHAMPS

Congrats to the Columbia Lions Baseball team, 2008 Ivy League Champs!!!


Full Story

Seis De Mayo

Doesn't quite have that same ring to it, huh? Once upon a time, I had a blog, and on this blog, I would do entries called Mid-Range Jumpers, where I would wax faux philosophic about the going ons in the sporting world. I guess I'll try to bring it back.

• Who says the public flogging is out of style? The Hawks put up a valiant effort, but they just couldn't stand in the face of the Celtics in Boston. But, they gave us hope for next year...as long as we get a new GM and a new coach.
• I love the NFL off-season. Cedric Benson and people who act even REMOTELY like him are the reason why.
• PETA is again proving to be my least favorite interest group. It was just a horse. Go away.
• No problem with KB24 getting the MVP, but I hope CP3 made it close. His dismantling of the Mavs, and his current show against the Spurs is an interesting case.
• Roger Clemens. Ew. Led to the funniest line of Bill Simmons' chat last week though:

Brad (Detroit, MI): Clemens 20K game on ESPN Classic right now.
Bill Simmons: Mindy McCready was five during this game.

• Recent Steelers draft pick Rashad Mendenhall was robbed at gunpoint recently. Welcome to the NFL, where you will be paid a ridiculous salary, but there is no set protection for you. Screw up, and we'll penalize you before a trial, but you better hope that new bullseye is unseen by most.
  
• Maybe D'Antoni would like to coach a bunch of young, super-athletic overachievers? Huh?
• Or Avery Johnson? Or Lenny Wilkens? Okay, maybe not Lenny again.
• Best of luck to the Gehrig Division winning Columbia Lions baseball team as they vie for the Ivy League Title today and tomorrow at Dartmouth.
• What the hell Marvin Harrison? Has Peyton Manning gotten to you that bad?
• REVISED NBA playoff predictions: Celtics in 6, Pistons in 5, Lakers in 5, Hornets in 6. These don't replace my original guesses, just wanted to give my input since I am usually wrong.
• How do I reeeeeach these kids?
• ZAZA FREAKING PACHULIA...ZAZA FREAKING PACHULIA...ZAZA FREAKING PACHULIA

Well, that's it for now. I've been working hard, and will be rewarding myself with my first ever Vegas trip this summer. Never have I been in one place that so caters to all my vices at once. Plus, I'm going with my degenerate friends who do nothing but egg me on to do stupid things. Plus, a bar owner I know will be staying at the same hotel as me...in town for a friend of HIS bachelor's party. Plus, we're flying in on Friday the 13th. Looking at all these factors, the following exchange said it best.

Me: Is this just a perfect storm?

Jolson: It's already a N'oreaster.

My Head...

Wow...did anyone get the name of that Party Bussssssss that ran me over?

Anyway a lot has happened since I posted last, but I'm going to give it the old college try in touching most of it. Anything that slips my mind...I blame it on my 4 day, seemingly 20 night trip to NYC.

A week ago, an NFL icon hung up the shoulder pads for good. Clearly one of the best ever at his position, he retires with one Super Bowl ring, and countless accolades. A mortal lock as a 1st Ballot Hall of Famer, some have argued that his skills had diminished over the years, but everyone agreed, he went out with a bang.

Number 99. Warren Sapp

(Look, everyone and their mom has been eulogizing Favre for a week. Let me say some things about a rival of his, and someone who retired the same day.)

2nd most sacks for a defensive tackle ever. 6 straight All-Pro selections. 8 Pro Bowl selections. 1 Super Bowl ring.

One of the most entertaining and engaging figures in a sport where the players are mostly faceless, his presence was felt from the moment he entered the league. From the attention he commanded from opposing linemen, and the fear he earned from opposing quarterbacks, his on the field career speaks for itself. Off the field, he always did things his way and spoke his mind.

Skipping through opposing teams while they stretched, laying out Chad Clifton after an interception in Green Bay, calling the NFL a slave system, the touchdown catch and subsequent Beyonce dance in Atlanta, Sapp was - and is - one of a kind. Just think about how he went out: on the day when the figure head of the NFL for the last 15 years hangs up the cleats, Sapp merely puts this message on his site...and note the url.

Mr. Sapp, see you in Canton.

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Those of you who hate the NBA (and I know you're out there), I pray that you have caught the recent run of games, which have been the most competitive in recent memory. The image of Shaquille O'Neal flying through the air this past Sunday against the Spurs defines what is emerging as an especially intense push for the playoffs.

In the West, a mere 7.5 games seperate the first place Lakers and the ninth place Nuggets. In the East, there isn't as close a gap from top to bottom, but there are 5 teams within 3 games of the eighth playoff spot. This is less an NBA update as it is a pleading for everyone to start watching games.

The NBA. Where fans beging others to watch happens.

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Finally, I figured since I made predictions for the NBA and NFL, I should do the same for the MLB. Without the fanfare of either of the previous leagues, here you go:

NATIONAL LEAGUE

East
1. Braves
2. Phillies
3. Mets
4. Washington
5. Florida

Central
1. Cubs
2. Milwaukee
3. St. Louis
4. Cincy
5. Houston
6. Pittsburgh

West
1. Dodgers
2. Arizona
3. Colorado
4. San Diego
5. San Francisco

AMERICAN LEAGUE

East
1. Sox
2. Toronto
3. Yankees
4. Tampa
5. Baltimore

Central
1. Detroit
2. Cleveland
3. Sox
4. Minnesota
5. Kansas City

West
1. Angels
2. Seattle
3. Oakland
4. Texas

Wild Cards: NL: Phillies, AL: Cleveland

Congressional Train Wreck

John Swinton of the New York Times once said of the press, "Our talents, our possibilities and our lives are all the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes."

Glad to see the ESPN baseball analysts are wearing lovely red pumps today.

Look, I've been able to catch bits and pieces of this throughout the day, and I'm more convinced than ever that Clemens is guilty. I was not convinced by Brian McNamee, or Roger Clemens, but by Andy Pettite, Chuck Knoblauch, and this unnamed Nanny. My favorite highlights that I can remember from the very beginning:

"I told the investigators I injected three people -- two of whom I know confirmed my account. The third is sitting at this table." -- Brian McNamee

"Andy Pettitte is my friend. He was my friend before this. He'll be my friend after this. And again, I think he has misheard." -- Roger Clemens

And the new existance of the word, "misremembered." If only the word had been around during the Clinton administration...

Oh, and not to mention an exchange between Roger and William Lacy Clay which amounted to him wasting his time with pointless hero worship.

Other highlights include a Congressman who has worked extensively with drug committees defending McNamee for rolling on everyone late, and a Representative claiming that Mr. Clemens is going to heaven.

As far as the Nanny goes, Clemens' tampering with the witness was glossed over so fast, it made my head spin. He claimed he was doing the Committee a favor by tracking down this lady, but did not turn her over until over 2 days after he found her, invited her to his home, talked with her for an hour, and then had his personal investigators call her and ask her questions.

Hey Roger, don't ever do me any favors. The whole thing stank of terrible, and watching the ESPN talking heads discuss it so far has made me even sicker.

For every real, salient question raised, there is someone there to slam the credibilty of McNamee, and take the glaring light of truth off of Clemens. This is the closest a legendary name in baseball history has ever been to being directly linked to steroids, but if you ask these guys, they'd be much more apt to crucify Barry Bonds than Roger Clemens. There's no shock that the MAWSM habitually takes this stance, and I won't get into them now. But, Rep. Elijah Cummings summed up the hearing in the best possible way during the closing when he said this:

If I walked in here, and it was even-steven, you and Mr. McNamee, I must admit that the person I believe most (pause) is Mr. Pettitte.

I've listened to you very carefully. And I take you at your word. And you're telling me that Andy Pettitte is an honest man, and his credibility is pretty much impeccable. … You said you were misunderstood. But all I'm saying is, it's hard to believe. It's hard to believe your story.

I hate to say that... You're one of my heores. But it's hard to believe you.

Roger Clemens. Owned.

Backpedaling

So, apparently Roger Clemens has been going door to door over the past few days, trying to convince members of Congress of his innocence in the face of Brian McNamee's newly revealed evidence. His lawyer claims he is doing this to show that he is personally serious about proving his innocence.

Yeah right.

This is from the same guy who took forever to issue a statement after the news first broke. This is the same guy who claims he had no idea his best friend (Pettite) was using HGH for years. This is the same guy who taped a phone call which only made him look guiltier.

Roger Clemens is my anti-drug.

Minnesota Suicide Watch

To the people of Minnesota, wow. First KG, now this. Someone remove all the sharp objects from the state.

Johan Santana. To the Met's. Whatever. Gonna be great playing this guy 6 times a year. Who cares, they still haven't invented a Met that Chipper couldn't hit .450 against. And with Glavine back from his foray behind enemy lines, I still feel good about the Bravos chances this year.

Maybe.

These are Facts...and Divisional Picks!

Roger Clemens is guilty as sin.

You release a taped conversation with your former trainer where he repeatedly offers to go to jail for you, and asks what you want him to do. Hmm...did another recently embattled star have his trainer sit in jail for him as opposed to ratting him out? Did aforementioned trainer receive a LARGE payment for his troubles? Is Clemens' trainer friend (whose name I have forgotten, and is unimportant) currently hurting for money? Is it suspicious how little the Rocket was saying, with the knowledge he was being taped?

Hmm indeed.

Oh, and to everyone who thinks that his impassioned defense was convincing, and definitive proof that he's innocent? Remember a certain someone else who's defiance was noteworthy and is now facing jail time? This should jog your memory.

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The Big 10 is dead. Long live everyone else.

The SEC and Big 10 champions met in a game to decide the National Champion of College Football. Again. The Big 10 started fast, building a quick lead. Again. The SEC utilized superior speed/size/(insert thing that wins football games here) and dominated from that point forward. Again.

A four team playoff would be best for everyone, as (extremely biased) Georgia President Michael Adams pointed out this week. I wish he had done this last year, because now he just looks like a poor sport, but the fact remains that he has the backing of every major conference save two: The Pac-10 because of the devotion to the Rose Bowl, which does not share the other Fox television contract as the other BCS bowls, and the Big 10, because they can manage their schedule, have the least mediocre team emerge, and bully their way into the title game, boasting stats pumped up against less than quality opposition. Maybe LSU didn't have the statistically best defense in the game coming in, but OSU didn't play 9 bowl teams, and the Tigers did.

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I will do more NBA stuff soon, I promise. But until then, I present to you the site I wish I made...

http://heylarryhughespleasestoptakingsomanybadshots.com/

Yes, it's a real site, and yes, it does track Larry Hughes' shooting every night. If you're a Cavs fan, beware. If not, it's worth reading even if you just look at the loss to Atlanta last night (Wednesday).

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Home teams are in bold.

Green Bay (-8) over Seattle

Their secondary isn't that good, Favre is WORLD's better than Todd Collins, who almost mounted a comeback in round 1, and Ryan Grant is playing like Ahman Green/Dorsey Levens in their prime. Aside from all the Hasselbeck jokes we've endured this week, this team just isn't ready to make the leap over a 13-3 squad that looks to do something special this post season.

Plus, Favre is 35% magic. Can't forget that.

Jacksonville (+13.5) over Terminators

Just to be clear, New England gets the win, just not nearly 2 touchdowns of the win. Call me nuts, but as long as the secondary for Jacksonville even remotely shows intrest in Randy Moss, they won't get blown out. It's really tough to blow out teams that rarely turn the ball over, have a dominant running attack, play solid defense, and don't get penalized often. I mean, if anyone can do it, it's the Terminators. I just don't think so.

Indy (-8.5) over San Diego

Wait a minute. What happened in Indy? Was there a chemical fire that cost Payton an eye? How is this line so low? Is there any chance the Colts don't win by 2 touchdowns?

Wait a minute. If betting were legal, I could 2-team tease Favre at Lambeau, and Manning and Dungy taking on Norv Turner at the RCA dome, hoping that both favorites win by more than a field goal? In the words of Rich Skrosky, it's like stealin', men.

Giants (+7.5) over Cowboys

I'm just about to pick Eli Manning on the road to lose by less than a touchdown (oh, you better believe he's gonna lose). I hate myself.

A Bad 48...and PICKS!

I guess, in response to this e-mail from the desk of one Matthew David Barsamian:

We're all dying to know if there is going to be any "blogging" done on your end with regards to the worst (read: best) day in the history of Atlanta sports? Maybe an exclusive one-on-one with Vick via webcam in the slammer? Audio of a phone call with Petrino from his new penthouse in Fayetteville? Personally I'm looking forward to you breaking the "Marty Schottenheimer isn't dead, he's the new coach of the Falcons" story.

I hate my friends.

What a rough 48 hours. I had been meaning to write sooner, but I was rendered catatonic as the Atlanta Falcons’ world threatened to collapse upon itself. As far as the Vick verdict goes, America, are we happy now? You’ve given a man 23 months in jail and 3 years of probation for killing some dogs? Congratulations. Anyone who knows me realizes what a dog person I am, but this is ridiculous. 1^st time offender, no where near the scene of the operation, and agreeing to work with the feds. People are going to have opinions, but the fact remains in the end; he killed some dogs. He didn’t harm people, he didn’t threaten anyone, he engaged in an archaic and barbaric practice, and he’s losing three years of his life and career for it. Those of you who think that I am being not harsh enough, I must go back to my Leonard Little defense. The St. Louis Rams defensive end was sentenced to 90 days in jail after being found guilty of killing a woman while driving drunk. Someone made the counterpoint

Punt

Now, I get to switch form defense to offense; Bobby “Lil’ Nicky Saban” Petrino. This is the utmost form of cowardice; this man (and I use that term in only the most scientific of senses) sent the players who bought into his philosophies and ways of playing a 50 word letter as he was attending a late-night news conference in Fayettesville. Congrats Hogs, you got a turncoat quitter for your team. How can these kids of U of A respect him now? When he tells them to fight through the bad, to finish what you start? His credibility is shot forever.

Lawyer Malloy said it best when he scratched out Petrino’s name at the bottom of the letter that was sent ot all the players, and wrote in red ink: COWARD

Since Roger Clemens was one of the names named in today’s Mitchell Report, it was interesting to watch the MAWSM (middle-aged white sports media) backpedal in the face of evidence that one of the biggest obvious steroid users in the game. Their complaints about the report? The sources were ‘dubious’ at best, and there are no failed tests to back up the story. Where was this requirement of proof when Bonds was being crucified the last few years? They sure aren’t calling for astricks on Clemens’ stuff in the Hall, now are they?

Picks below, home teams in bold

Houston (-2.5) over Denver

Sage Rosefals!!

Cincy (-8) over San Fran

Shaun Hill!!

Tampa (-13.5) over Atlanta

Chris Redman!!

Seattle (-7.5) over Carolina

Vinny Testaverde!!

Pit (-3.5) over Jacksonville

Okay, these are two pretty good qbs.

Packers (-8.5) over Rams

Brock Berlin!!

B’More (-3.5) over Phins

Cleo Lemon!!

Terminators (-24.5) over Snitches

Doesn't matter...the Jets started all this nonsense.

Snitches.

Terminated.

With extreme prejudice.

Nawlins (-3.5) over 'Zona

Kurt Warner!!

Buffalo (+5.5) over Cleveland

Derek Anderson!! (I don't care how well he's playing, he's still Derek Anderson)

Tenn (-3.5) over KC

Damon Huard!!

Indy (-10) over Oak

Josh McCown!!

Dallas (-10) over Philly

Soon-to-be traded Donovan McNabb

Detroit (+10) over San Diego

Phillip Rivers!! (How bad as he looked this year?)

Giants (-4.5) over Washington

Todd Collins!!

Chicago (+10) over Minnesota

Tavaris Jackson!!